Brightest Stars | Love of Royals: Book I

XXVIII: Fond Farewell

The happy bliss of Thranduil's begetting day passes by far quicker than I would have liked.  The hours we were able to spend in each other's company were wonderful ones, and I think I successfully brought him the joy he had been missing for thousands of years.  We don't even sleep a wink that night. But now, the living dream is over, and with the new dawn comes the harsh reality.

I need to tell him what has been hanging over my thoughts.  I just couldn't do it on the day that was meant to be for him.

'I know something's on your mind, Elena.'  Thranduil stops us on our morning walk through the peaceful outer gardens of the Woodland Realm, squeezing the hand that he holds in his own.  'Tell me.'

I cannot bear to meet his eyes, his gorgeous, mesmerising eyes, which regard me with so much love that I do not deserve.  I can hardly bear to suggest that he should leave his kingdom to accompany me on a journey to an unknown destination, yet that is what I am to do.  'I—we—should leave here soon. To find my task,' I say at last, my gaze still fixed on the ground.

'You still think that you need to go? After all the time you've spent here?' Thranduil questions with a hint of disbelief.

'Yes... we could go East.  Visit Lothlórien.  Perhaps I might find some answers there.'

'What are you expecting to find? Some kind of sign as to where your task is?' Thranduil says in exasperation. 'You're supposed to let it come to you, not force it upon yourself.'

I have to look at him now.  He is still holding one of my hands in his, softly tracing circles on it with his thumb.  'I cannot just sit here waiting for it,' I sigh, 'you have no idea how this feels.  No one on this earth does.'

'Elena, think about this.  Are you sure leaving is what's best?'

'You said you would go with me!' I blurt a little too loudly.

'Not to wander blindly through Mirkwood with the hope something will point you in the right direction,' Thranduil replies calmly, 'I did not fully understand the meaning of your words at the time—I only knew that I wanted to help you in every way I could.  Has it not occurred to you, after all this time, that your task could be here? Whatever happens to a Star is a step towards completing their task.'

'How do you even know all this?'

'I knew a Star in the Second Age—Menelion. He came in the form of an ellon, whom I met once in Doriath.'  Thranduil raises an eyebrow as the shock widens my eyes. Menelion? Friend of Gil-galad? It was so long ago when he Fell, I can hardly bring it to memory. 'I presume you know of whom I speak,' Thranduil adds.

'I do—I remember various elves befriended him. But it was Gil-galad he followed, was it not?' I say, desperately trying to recall the events of millennia ago, 'he went and helped conceal and fortify Imladris. I did not know you two had met.'

'We did meet, but only once, before he left for Imladris. I was young, and frankly oblivious to the establishment of kingdoms that was happening at the time. My father knew much about Menelion's help from connections with Gil-galad, and he told me everything. It is said that, without Menelion, Imladris would have been lost long before now. It was because of his help that it was able to endure.'

That is it. That is the scale of Stars' tasks; they alter the course of the future for the good of Middle Earth. And I am supposed to complete one without even knowing what it is. It has only just occurred to me how utterly mad this whole idea of tasks is—if this is some sort of grand scheme from the Valar, then the least they could have done is tell us what to achieve. How, in the name of Ilúvatar, have other Stars done it right? And how am I meant to do what they did?

Why did I ever think I could do this? I've been down here for weeks, and only now has it dawned on me that I cannot. Not in the way the Valar wish me to. I've brought danger and unrest to a kingdom of innocent elves, and become so deeply in love with their King that the prospect of returning to the sky feels like a death sentence. I just have to get away from here. I should never have come at all. It matters not what Thranduil believes—he is not a Vala, therefore he knows no more than I.

Everything I have tried to plan has faltered.  The last hope I had of living up to my title—the first Star to enter the Woodland Realm—is gone.  I am just the one who Fell into the Elvenking's heart, only to let him down, let his people down, let the Valar down... let the world down.

But he can't know that.  He believes in me.

So I keep my face straight, and carry on.  'The Stars were all focused on Sauron at the time,' I say truthfully, 'little did we know that Menelion's task would be as important as it turned out to be.'

'That is why you need to open your eyes,' Thranduil says earnestly, 'your task will be just as significant as Menelion's was, and he did not flee from what was given to him. We left Doriath, and he left with us.'

'I am not fleeing,' I retort, 'I can hardly believe you didn't tell me you knew him until now!'

'I thought you knew,' he replies simply.

Whatever strength I had left within me, whatever force was keeping me from crashing down in front of him, whatever barrier was holding back the flood of emotions is gone. 'No,' I say shakily, the last of my dignity crumbling away as the first tear falls, 'I don't know. I don't know how to do this. I wasn't ready when they sent me down here! I've only made everything worse!'

Thranduil immediately hushes me, cupping my face in his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumb. 'Listen, please, listen to me,' he implores, tears beginning to glisten in his own vivid blue eyes, 'you have not made anything worse, I promise you.'

'I do not want to leave here. This place, it's almost become a part of me. And some of the elves here have become dear to me beyond measure. But I cannot stay.'

'Why not, Elena?'

'I provoked an attack by orcs. I endangered the elves in your kingdom. I nearly got you killed.'  My voice cracks at the memory of hearing Thranduil cry out in pain... seeing the arrow embedded in his back... watching the blood pour relentlessly after I pulled it out.  The fear that had hold of me that day has never quite let go.  I swear to never let anything like that happen again.

'But then you saved us.  You warned us of the attack—we countered it, defeated the orcs, and you were fighting bravely among us. You helped us repel the danger. You healed me. There is something forming here, and I know it will do this realm good in the end. Do not leave when you may just be the thing we need here.'

I hope, with all my heart and all the power of a Star, that he is right.  I have nothing else to go on now.

'I... I will stay.'

Just as Thranduil leans in to kiss my lips, a shout comes ringing out across the gardens and echoes through the blossoming trees.

'KING THRANDUIL! KING THRANDUIL!'

We instantly pull apart, both equally startled as Feren, one of the captains in Thranduil's army, bursts through the trees. In his hand he carries a piece of beige cloth, which he holds out to Thranduil.

'Aran nín,' Feren says urgently, 'this was found by one of the guards. It is Black Speech. None of us can read it.'

'Hannon-lë,' Thranduil replies, taking the cloth and handing it to me so I can read what is inscribed on it in thick black ink. 'I cannot understand it either. Elena?'

I peer closely at the mass of black lines all over it. Fortunately I am able to discern words among the scribbles, but what I do read makes my blood run cold.

'It says: The Star is gone.  She bids you all a very fond farewell.' I pause, trying to be rid of the lump in my throat. 'I do not know how this message got here, but I have a fair idea of who it came from. Most importantly, I do not know if someone has been taken from this kingdom, but if they have... it wasn't the Star. I am still here.'

Thranduil's hand takes hold of mine.

***

Elvish:
Aran nín = my King
Hannon-lë = thank you