HURT

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Today is the day I've decided to end it all.
No matter how weak that makes me, I don't care anymore. I have nothing and nobody. I don't care if suicide doesn't end the pain, it only passes it on. I can't take the pain I am going through.

People say everything happens for a reason. If so then tell me the reason my parents were taken away from me! Tell me why god threw them off of the face of the earth like they were nothing, when they were my everything.

Tell me why all I receive now a days is looks of pity. Looks of regret, regret for what you may ask, not even I know.

Tell me why my safe haven was taken away from me, my perfect home. Tell me why I will never have my mother's loving touch again or my dads hugs of pride. Tell me why, please someone, anyone just tell me.

God is a murderer. He killed them with out a second thought. Yet we are frowned upon, yet we are put in prison, yet we are found upon to be monsters if we do what he does. It's like it his sick twisted game, where he is the only one who comes up on top.

I want to think the best, but I can't. I have every reason to not think the best. I want them to be in a safe place, watching me. Although I don't want to believe in him because of his brutal actions.

I don't know if I can go on living this life. I'm ok at school I get good marks, I'm good at sports I've even won best swimmer for 5 years in a row now, I've got good friends and my aunt and uncle are there for me.

I appreciate my aunt and uncle but they will never be my parents.

I've gone through a lot, hell I started cutting when I was 13, can you imagine the emotional shit it takes for a 13 year old to do that?!

I can't take the hatred anymore, I don't get bullied that's not what I mean in a way I'm quite popular.

But I am hated by Melody Summer Mathews.
I'm hated by myself.

I'm turning 16 this year and starting 10th grade, but I'm scared. I'm scared I won't make it through the year. I won't make it through at all. All I can do is play it as the cards fall.

All I want to do is be perfect. Although I never will be... I have blonde moments, I'm clumsy, stupid, ugly and everything is wrong with me.

One night I saw how repulsive I was. I looked in the mirror to see someone plain, but most of all someone unloved.

I know I will never be loved.

No one needs to know my thoughts.
No one needs to know my troubles, my problems.
The reason being is because deep down I know no one needs me.

So I put on my facade, to mask my pain.
To mask the real me.
I let go and have fun though when I do I always get called weird. Sometimes it hurts.

Today is not the day I will end it all, even though I said it was.
Well it's not.

My parents always said if you get through the roughest of times the rest of your life will be a breeze of happiness.

I'm not afraid of death though. If it knocked on my door I'd answer it with a smile on my face and say "hey bitch long time no see! Wanna go to Starbucks before heading to the sky?"

My heart is broken. From more than just my parents. My heart is broken from a boy, there's another reason but I must not say because I never want to relive that day. Ever.

I don't know if I should believe my parents about the breeze of happiness part.
Knowing god he'd give me a year of happiness then kill me off.

After-all it is just some sick, twisted game.

Hi guys so this is my first book.
I really want your feed back and don't worry the comedy is coming. Let me get your feedback!
Bye!