Phil's POV
When I woke up this morning and opened my eyes, I saw no hazy sleeping dan beside me. He wasn't in the kitchen making breakfast, he wasn't in the bathroom doing, well, whatever you do in the bathroom. He wasn't here anymore. I tried calling him, it went straight to voicemail. I tried emailing him, but hours later there was still no reply. I wasn't panicked, or sad, or in fits of tears. I just numbly sat on the sofa, staring into space and thinking about lying next to him and him being in my arms.
The next morning I woke up, checked the kitchen and bathroom again and then resumed to sit down on the sofa. I was going to stare at a different point on the wall today.
For the following 11 mornings, examining tiny pieces of dust on my living room wall was my task for the day. He never came back. For 12 days my heart wasn't racing, it wasn't beating either, it felt to me like it was still. I felt sick, nauseous and tingly. If Dan doesn't contact me soon, I thought, I'm going to have to find him. That would be tricky, I thought again, as it would mean clearing up the vomit in the house, concealing the bags under my eyes, and putting on some non-festering clothing. It would also mean staying sober for more than 10 hours. Oh yes, sorry, I do believe I had forgotten to tell you the state I had gotten in in 12 days.
When I finally took a step outside it was harsh. Nothing dramatic, no uplifting ambience or enthusing birds. It was just cold and harsh. I drove around for hours checking everywhere I knew to see if dan was simply sitting and drinking like I had been doing. A thought stirred...his mother's. He would be at his mother's surely.
I was nearly shaking I was so nervous. But he meant more to me than being nervous for a few hours. Fine, I thought, you want me to come to you? Okay....okay.
ahhh hey lads :) here is a rather shitty attempt at an update. also also just a simple reminder that if you want to follow me on Instagram it's @alexgoesoutside._ and my snapchat is lilz_222. okie bye now ;)
