Torn In Three | Malum, Muke, Mashton

Chapter Seven

- Michael's point of view -

"I never accepted your apology," Luke trailed off and avoided my eyes.

I hugged the boy tighter and felt a lump grow in my throat. I know I don't deserve an apology. Silence fell between us: it wasn't as awkward as I had dreaded, however we both had nothing to say.

Finally, breaking the silence, Luke spoke up. "We need to go back"

Reluctantly, I nodded my head and trailed behind him.

**

As we approached the hotel, fears of the worst possible outcomes grew and I felt a shiver go down my spine.  Hating every part of what I was feeling, I clenched my fists and forced myself to accept what was coming. I got myself into this, afterall.

Making no attempt to talk to me, Luke lead me back to our shared hotel room and unlocked the door: there stood our two band members looking more anxious than I had seen them before. Unbelievably, the guilt already slowly killing me began to grow worse. Do I even have anything to lose at this point?

"Michael! We've been so worried" Calum ran towards me and embraced me in a big hug; forcing a smile, I hugged the good looking boy back.

"You've been worried" Ashton scowled at me and wrapped his arms around his chest as an act of anger.

I stopped myself from trying to talk to Ashton. That action cannot be done with a still oblivious Calum present.

"Why, Michael?" Ashton's face was flushed a deep ruby red.

"Why-"

"Don't try and act innocent, douche"

I ignored the growing lump in my throat; this is not the time to cry.

"I don't want to discuss this now" I felt my face turn the same colour as Ashton's.

"No. I'd rather you speak up now so everyone can hear" God, Ashton can be so difficult.

"What's going on?" A naive Calum asked. Oh, if he knew. Despite saying that - he deserves to.

"Care to explain, Mikey?" Luke's voice seemed calm, however the pleasure of my current bad situation was clearly evident in his voice.

This was the situation I dreaded most during the past few months; I knew it was coming. Nothing this good lasts forever. But what am I supposed to say? I can't run away again: it will only lead me back to the same position. Deciding against the previous option, I realised there was only one way forward.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Who are you apologising to?" Ashton asked. He was right: I was avoiding everyone's eyes by staring at the ground.

I stood silent, hoping not speaking will result in the entire situation going away. However, much to my despair, karma is a bitch.

"He's apologied to me already" Luke replied for me.

"One down, two to go"

At this point, I remembered how confused Calum must have been. His eyes said it all: fear and lack of certainty.

"Sorry, sorry. Now goodnight" I played with my hair in distress and picked up my heavy luggage before escaping into my bedroom. I didn't turn back when someone called for me to stop.

I leaned against my door frame. At the very moment I sat down relaxed, a spark of regret and guilt reentered my mind as I heard the three boys talking about me through the thin walls. I didn't know if these thin walls were a positive thing or not.

"That dick can't hide forever" I heard Ashton say.

"Not that I want to see him anyway" Luke added. My heart fell as it was confirmed he really did not accept my apology. Yet should I be surprised?

"Please tell me what the fuck you guys are keeping from me" Calum asked, fury in his tone.

"It's something private Michael has been keeping from the three of us, something he should not have been doing-" Ashton started, however he was interrupted as I burst through the door and stopped him from his next sentence.

"Stop-" I sighed. Knowing Ashton would probably come out with another remark that would yet again multiply my guilt by one thousand, I spoke quickly. "I've been cheating, Calum"

I watched as the Kiwi boy turned pale from the new information. He didn't shout, he didn't argue - he just sobbed. His sobbing was uncontrollable and I felt awkward as to what I should do. I can't hug him: that would make it worse.

Luke approached him and hugged him whilst giving me a death glare, Ashton doing the same. Seeing Calum upset made me upset; all the emotion building up over the previous two days took its toll and I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek.

"Oh, now the boy has emotion"

"Fuck off Ashton. I've done something bad and I deserve it. You hate me; I know that. Just at least give me a chance to speak"

Calum shook his head at my remark, obviously too in shock at what he had previously heard. He wiped off the many tears falling down his soft skin and walked out of where we were standing and into the bedroom I shared with him.

"Well done, Mike, even Calum doesn't like the fact you're a cheater"
Correction: he doesn't like the fact I also cheated on him.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"That doesn't make it better. What are we? Who do you want?" Ashton's voice cracked, finally showing empathy.

His question had never before entered my mind: who do I want? They are all three amazing people, whom I care a lot for. All of the boys stand out to me in their own particular way.

"Do you even still want me after this?"

A deep sigh was exhaled from both Luke and Ashton. They looked into each other's eyes, as if it would solve their problem. The problem of me.

"I don't want you to be a cheater. I want to know you and I are only together - no one else involved. But,"

As if finishing his sentence, Ashton spoke: "I feel the same way"

I stood silent processing the information and trying to get a solution. Nothing worked.

"I'm still angry with you, Michael. And its going to take a long time to accept your apology - if I even do" Ashton said, obviously trying his best to hide his upset emotion.

"I understand" my eyes were still facing the floor.

For the first time that night, I held my head up high and looked both boys in their eyes, scanning back and forth. A small smile curved on my lips as if to show the sweet Michael is still there, and swiftly walked into my bedroom, ready to face Calum.

No matter what it takes, I will get these boys to forgive me.