i. names.

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"Mom!" I called out as I was pulled away. She reached out to me, but she fell to her knees, struggling with herself. "Mom, please!"
"It's okay, you'll be safe. They said you would. You're gonna save so many people. You can't stay here." She explained. I was too young to understand, however. The only thought going through my mind was the sadness and remorse I would feel if I was forced to leave my mother in her current state. I knew she wasn't well, I had known for a while. And today, these people invaded our home and told me and my brother to leave with them, but I couldn't go.
"Mom, I can't leave you," I whimpered, breaking from the grasp of the person behind me and running to her, crouching down. She put her hands on the side of my face and pulled me into her, my forehead pressed against hers.
"You're going to save so many people, Allison. So many." I felt the hands grab me again and begin pulling me away. I saw Stephen struggling as well. He was a bit older than me and felt protective of me. The last thing I heard was the soft words leave my mother's lips in sobs, "Remember I love you."
And then we were gone.

*****
(Two Years Later)

I sat in the small room, laying on my bed, my memories relaying in my mind. I missed my mom, I missed Stefan. I heard they were making him call himself Thomas and I hadn't seen him since we came to WICKED. I was pulled out of my thoughts as the door buzzed open. I sat up to see the one person I cared to talk to in this terrible place. He was the only one I'd been allowed to speak to, and we'd been talking for a year now. He came in three times a week. Newt. Or at least that was what they were making me call him. He still hadn't taken his new name, but they were making me call him that anyway.
I also hadn't accepted mine, clinging to the last thread I had that connected me to my mother and my family. I missed her desperately. No doubt she was dead by now, or at least, fully Gone.
"Hey Newt," I cringed as I said his name, knowing he hated it when I called him that.
"Hey Clarke," he returned the gesture, cringing as well. He sat on the bed beside me and we began talking.
"I hear that they are going to put a lot of us in the same bunker soon. That should be fun." He said to me.
"Really?" I couldn't believe it, I never thought they'd let us all meet. "That's amazing." He smiled at my giddiness. But the smile felt fake, for it was only a mask to hide his fear of what was happening today. I put a hand on his and whispered to him.
"It'll be okay. They won't hurt you, not bad anyway. You've done it before. It can't be as bad anymore." I said, referring to WICKED and their methods of persuasion, trying to get us to take our names and forget our old ones.
"I'm not worried about me. Today is your first one, right?" He asked, I nodded in response. WICKED had reached their last straw with me. I had resisted the name as long as I could. But deep down, I knew I'd never accept this. I would never allow them to take the last piece of my mother I had to hold on to. Newt and I exchanged small words in conversation before the door buzzed and I tensed up. Newt noticed and put a hand on mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
A man stepped into the room, wearing a green suit with the word WICKED written across his chest. I was barely five and a half years old, so I knew it would be rude to point this out, but he looked so stupid. I couldn't help but smirk at my thoughts as he walked towards us.
"Newt, Clarke. Come with me, we have no time to waste." He said, his voice very demanding.
Newt and I pretended not to hear him and continued whispering to each other. He crouched down in front of us and raised his eyebrows.
"Look, I know that you two want to hold on to your childish whims and all that, but I have a job and need to keep it. You two have to come with me, we have no time for this. Get up right now." He demanded and walked over to the door and out into the hallway. Newt and I hesitated, but eventually, we got up and followed the man out into the dull hallway.
"Where are we going?" Newt asked, though he knew the answer. Even I knew, and I'd never had to go before.
"You'll see." The man said. I was annoyed, everyone in this stupid building treats us like objects instead of children.
We came to a wooden door in the hall and stopped as the man unlocked the door. "You two could get out of this now if you just accept your names." He said spitefully. I rolled my eyes and quickly changed the subject.
"What's your name?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Randall," he replied hesitantly, pushing the door open wider and ushering us inside. Another woman waited inside, and she immediately went over to Newt. Randall pointed to a chair, telling me to sit and Newt sat in one diagonal from me. Randall sat directly in front and the other woman was to my right.
Newt leaned forward in anticipation. He was familiar with this, he'd gone through it multiple times. The woman cocked her head to the side and shook her head at him, causing him to lean back in his chair and shrug at me. The woman looked at Randall and nodded as he leaned toward me as if he were going to whisper something in my ear. I felt a sharp prick in my neck and hissed in pain. "What was that?" I asked frantically as panic crept into my brain.
"It's called a pain stimulator. Don't worry, it's not permanent, it'll leave your system, eventually. But we can always insert another if you make it necessary." Randall smirked evilly.
"What does it do?" I asked warily.
"That depends on you and Newt. All you have to do is tell us your names."
"That's easy. It's Allison." I said, in a duh tone. Randall put his head in his hands and I saw Newt shake his head and slam his eyes shut.
"Do it," Randall mumbled and a fiery pain burned through my body. I screamed in agony and heard the woman asking Newt questions about his name and he kept saying that it was Newt but she wouldn't stop. I was almost grateful when my mind stopped spinning with confusion and I blacked out.

I woke up later on, still in that same room with Newt across from me and Randall in front, the woman at my side. I saw Newt's sad expression and it made my heart shatter. Tears stained his face and he looked at me in fear.
"I'm gonna ask again. What's your name?" Randall spoke to me. I'd play along this time.
"Clarke..." I said monotonously. He shook his head.
"Has anyone ever called you anything else?"
"No," I hesitated and his eyes flashed with something that looked like guilt. "Again." He whispered and I opened my mouth to speak but ended up screaming when the pain started again. This time, I stayed strong and didn't fall into darkness. I screamed, but I held my ground.
"What is your name?" Randall said when the pain subsided.
"Clarke." I responded harshly.
"Has anyone ever called you anything else?"
"No. Only Clarke." I didn't hesitate this time.
"Will you ever respond to another name?"
"No. Only Clarke."
"Good. I don't want you to forget."
"No!" I heard Newt scream, but his shouts were drowned out by my own screaming as waves of the familiar burning sensation crashed through me. I remained conscious and this time, when the pain stopped, all attention was turned to Newt.
"What is your name?"
"Newt." He said sadly, his eyes locked with mine and terror shown on his face.
"Do you have another name?"
"No."
"Will you respond to any other name?"
"No. Only Newt."
"Okay. I'll give you one last reminder." Randall said.
I expected for Newt to be in pain this time, but then I realized, I was his weakness. We were too close, they were using me against him.
"No," I cried out, trembling with sobs as fear took over and I waited expectantly for the pain to come. It did and I screamed again, my throat raw and my eyes watering. My veins and muscles ached terribly as the tempest exploded in my body. The darkness came after, and I let my mind be swallowed by unconsciousness.

I woke up a few hours later, back in my room and laying in my own bed. I felt someone else's presence in the room and immediately knew who it was. Newt. My eyes fluttered open and I stared up at him. His face lit up at first and then collapsed into a frown. I smiled at him, trying to cheer him up, I sat up.
"I'm so sorry." He said, wrapping his arms around me. I buried my head in his shoulder and we stayed in that embrace for a while until I pulled away.
"You shouldn't be. It wasn't your fault." I confided.
"I could've stopped it. If I had just taken the name a while ago, you wouldn't have gone through that." He whispered.
"Newt," I said softly. "It wasn't your fault, okay? You can't blame yourself. It was these people, they're terrible. You can't blame yourself for their awful mistakes. Okay?" He nodded and I pulled him back into the hug, feeling him tremble with sobs in my arms.
"Do you remember yours?" He asked. "Your name?"
I thought hard for a second, but the only name that came to mind was Clarke, as if the person I was before never existed, as if I was completely different. "No," I mumbled. "You?"
"No. I remember yours. I'll hold onto it for you." He said sadly. I smiled and thanked him. I laid back down on the bed and felt Newt lay at the foot of the bed, falling asleep as I did.

               subject a3, newt, the maze runner (officially disc.)Waar verhalen tot leven komen. Ontdek het nu