𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐘 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓

V. liar, liar

I want to say I love you too,
but how do I know you're
not lying?

             YOU LOVE LIKE LOVE IS A LIE. You kiss and then leave like you haven't just made someone's heart flutter. You tell everyone that love is fake, it's unreal, it only exists in parallel universes – but what if we are a parallel universe? You've looked me in my eyes before and said, "Love is a lie, I will never love anyone, and no one can ever love me."

But I wanted to.

I did and I still do and I hate myself for that.
One day we're staring at each other across our bedroom windows, hoping that the shadows can hide our blushes and the next day we're kissing behind the vandalized bathroom stall at the subway station, so which is it? Do you like me? Or do you only like the tender kisses and toxic touches? I heard you say before that you can like someone. You can like someone to the point where it's almost love, but not love at all. Because you do not believe in love. Neither did I. But then you came along and maybe, just maybe, I believe in love now.

But you still don't.

We've been together for a year, and not once have you told me you love me. You've held my hand, you've kissed me, you've done it all with me – yet you cannot say those three words. I understand, I really do. Because love is scary. Love is a scary thing that shouldn't be handled carelessly. Too much of it and you'll get irritated, but not enough and you'll get paranoid. (Am I enough? Was I ever enough? Am I not what you want? I'm not pretty, that's it isn't it? Do I bother you? I'm too needy.) You can love someone with everything you've got, but it can take only a few words to break your heart.

I think I don't love you anymore.

You tell me as if you actually loved me in the first place.

It's okay.

I never loved you either.

We're such liars.