pride And prejudice And zombies: dawn of the dreadfuls

chapter 11

OVER THE NEXT TWO DAYS, the Bennet girls learned many new stances and moves and, along with their father, sparred with many new weapons.

There were, as a consequence, many, many mistakes and accidents—and many, many, many dand-baithaks.

Lydia titters when the Master squats, legs bent into a U, for "the Sumo Position"? Fifty dand-baithaks.

Mary accidentally knocks Kitty silly with her nunchucks? Fifty dand-baithaks.

Kitty un-accidentally knocks Mary silly with her nunchucks? Fifty dand-baithaks. For Mary again. For not dodging fast enough.

Mr. Bennet raises an eyebrow at Mary's punishment? One hundred dand-baithaks and five laps around the grounds.

Jane quickly proved the most graceful disciple, and Mr. Bennet, of course, the most accomplished—so much so that Master Hawksworth frequently had him run his daughters through their drills while he stood back nodding gravely. Yet Elizabeth, with her piercing warrior's cry and eagerness to try any maneuver or weapon, no matter the difficulty or danger, was without doubt the most ardent student in the dojo. Though why that should be even she couldn't say.

Certainly, the Master never spoke of it. He rarely spoke of anything except how this is done right or this was done wrong or how many dand-baithaks were needed to make amends for one's unworthiness. All the Bennets truly knew of him had to be sucked out as a leech draws blood—and there was, of course, but one leech for the job.

"A lovely English spring we're having, is it not?" Mrs. Bennet said over dinner the day after Master Hawksworth's arrival.

The Master didn't even look up from his food, which he'd insisted on preparing himself. Not that it required much in the way of preparation: It was simply white rice and (to the obvious disgust of all, save Mr. Bennet) raw fish.

Up to then, Master Hawksworth had declared English cooking to be "bricks in a warrior's stomach where fire out to be," and at mealtimes he'd remained in the dojo to eat alone. Eventually, however, he'd been coaxed inside easily enough. All Elizabeth had to say was, "It would be an honor if you joined us this evening, Master," and in he came.

"It's probably been twenty years since we had so balmy an April," Mrs. Bennet forged on.

Still Master Hawksworth said nothing.

"It was an unseasonably warm spring when The Troubles first began, as well," Mary said. "It is my conjecture that the heat in some way accounts for the return of the dreadfOW!"

"What of the temperatures where you come from, Mr. Hawksworth?" Mrs. Bennet said, lifting the shoe heel from her daughter's toes. "Do they range as unseasonably high?"

"Yes," the Master said.

He reached out with the two smooth sticks he used in lieu of a proper fork or spoon, grabbed hold of a mound of rice, and stuffed it into his mouth. Mrs. Bennet waited patiently while he finished chewing so he could finish his thought, but he simply speared a floppy pink wad of fish and stuffed it in after the rice.

Mrs. Bennet grimaced and looked away, and when she again found her voice (which, alas, was never lost for long) she abandoned warmth as both a topic of conversation and a model for her deportment.

"Well. I'm glad to see you're enjoying your food . . . if you can call it that. You'll find the streams of Hertfordshire overflowing with fat, juicy trout you may pluck out and tuck into at your leisure. If I may ask, where is it that you acquired a taste for such awfully fresh fare?"

"Japan."

Hawksworth shoveled in more rice.

"Japan?" Mrs. Bennet said. "That's the little island nation down around New South Wales, is it not? Full of Orientals?"