pride And prejudice And zombies: dawn of the dreadfuls

chapter 16

ONCE HE'D PICKED HIMSELF UP and carefully dusted himself off, Lt. Tindall deigned to thank Elizabeth's sisters. But there was an icy edge to his tone, Elizabeth thought, especially when compared to Capt. Cannon's warm compliments on the girls' courage and prowess. Lydia and Kitty seemed not to notice the younger man's frostiness, however. In fact, they barely glanced at the captain, as the lieutenant's fair-haired, square-jawed comeliness proved so mesmerizing it trumped even the sight of an armless, legless man riding in a wheelbarrow.

The headless, lifeless man lying in the road they ignored, too, though it was easier to see the effort that required. As soon as they could, both girls put their backs to the body, and when Lt. Tindall trundled his commander away so that they might "regroup the column," their inevitable titters sounded, at first, forced and joyless.

"Ooh, he looks good in red," Lydia said.

"He'd look good in anything," said Kitty.

"Wherever did you find him, Lizzy?"

"Yes, Lizzy—where have you been?"

"We've been looking for you everywhere."

"Even Master Hawksworth was worried."

"'Even'?"

"You're right. Especially him!"

"Oh, I almost kissed the deer!"

"Me, too!"

"Jane came the closest, of course."

"Mary was nowhere near it."

"It's a shame, really. For what other kisses can the poor girl look forward to?"

"I can guess which ones she wishes were—"

"Come," Elizabeth cut in, setting off down the road. If someone didn't interrupt her sisters, they'd still be standing there chattering come nightfall. "There are soldiers scattered throughout these woods like so many acorns. Let us help gather them up."

It took but a few minutes of searching to bring everyone together again. The soldiers that didn't come creeping sheepishly out from behind trees and rocks were herded up the road by Lt. Tindall and Capt. Cannon. While they collected their discarded muskets and cleared the zombie carcass from the road, Lydia and Kitty stood to the side, attempting to engage the lieutenant in idle conversation. (Lydia: "What a shame your darling hat was eaten. We can recommend a haberdasher in town, if you like." Kitty: "He does all our bonnets!") Through it all, however, Lt. Tindall remained as stiff as a tin soldier, and once the party was moving on to Longbourn again, he ignored the girls altogether.

Unfazed, they simply went back to peppering their sister with questions about where she'd been and what she'd been doing. They found Dr. Keckilpenny particularly fascinating, of course—especially when they learned (after much wheedling) that he was young and rather handsome, in his gangly, gawky way.

"I wonder what Master Hawksworth would make of that," said Lydia.

"He'd probably do a Panther's Pounce right on this doctor fellow's head!" Kitty laughed.

"Ooooo! Let us see!"

Lydia grabbed Kitty by the arm and practically dragged her toward the forest, where Master Hawksworth and the others were still searching for Elizabeth.

"Surely that can wait until we reach Longbourn," Elizabeth said. "We still need to show the captain and his men the way to the house."

"One can do that as easily as three!" Lydia called back over her shoulder.

"But there might be more dreadfuls about!"

"Oh, I don't think so. And anyway, we've still got our swords!"