Embracing Empowerment.

Patriarchy: the notion fuelling inequality?

What is patriarchy you may ask?

"Patriarchy is a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females, and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak; to maintain that dominance through various forms of psychological terror and violence." - Bell Hooks.

Patriarchy is what for centuries has encouraged the notion that males are superior and demand higher respect than women. This concept is passed down and learned through cultures, traditions and even religions. It is in capitalist and imperialist organisations. It is everywhere and anywhere and most of the time, we do not even realise it.

It is in fact a word many of us probably do not use in our everyday vocabulary, but it is so deeply important because it provides an explanation as to why women and men are socialised and treated differently. This is also why I thought it would be best to start my first chapter of this book exploring this concept.

The definition used above is from Bell Hooks, who is an author of feminist theory and cultural criticism. The reason why I particularly like her work, is because she states that although patriarchy is damaging to women it is also damaging to men. Patriarchy is what teaches the corrupt beliefs that men: must not be emotional, must not cry, must always be strong, always be leaders, and should use violence to demonstrate their 'manliness'.

Crying, showing emotion, and being affectionate: these are all normal human behaviours, not gender specific to females, and yet, men are punished when they show any of the above. If a man is emotional he is weak. If a man cares about his hygiene and appearance he must be gay. If a man does not use violence, then is he really a man?

Repressing emotions and thoughts, always having to live by a set of rules and expectations on how to be a man is so severely damaging to the psyche, it is no wonder we have many broken souls who are lost. It is why men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Opening up and confiding in someone, asking for help...these are not actions deemed by society to be 'manly'.

Such toxic masculinity can be dangerous, not only for women but for men too.

Males are socialised into believing they are superior and females to believe they are inferior. Years of this socialisation can be hard to break free from; there is no doubt about that. But by raising awareness about these issues, perhaps we can make that breaking free a little easier?

History has shown us how females have had to bear the brunt of patriarchal structures and mentalities. Many women for example, still receive less pay than their male colleagues, despite being employed in the exact same position. Many women are raped, abused and tortured at the hands of men, and yet when incidents like this are described, we generally hear the comments "oh she provoked him, should've kept her mouth shut" and "she was wearing a short skirt, of course she opens the doors to rape." Men are always portrayed as the victims, and the underlying cause is never addressed; that is, men feel confident in being violent and abusing others, not only because they are shaped this way since childhood but because they know society will give them a free pass.

What is interesting to note, is that there are many females out there who have an androcentric way of thinking themselves. They believe that males should imitate the above characteristics. They want that angry 'bad boy.' How many of us know mothers who encourage their husbands to punish daughters for going out, but give a free pass to their sons? Mother's who aggressively advise their daughters to stay at home to cook and clean in preparation to get married and start a family – which is OK if that's the path the girl wants to follow.

But what if she does not? What if, as a woman, you aspire to be more than a mother and daughter – you understand that these roles are important and can be a great gift, but you also have a deeply rooted motivation to be more, to do more. Life cannot simply be raising a family. Life is not only about pleasing my husband and kids. Life is not only about others, but it is also about me.

What do you do then?

Unfortunately, many women who don't stay within the norms of their cultural and social traditions are deemed as being shameful, or as the new trend goes, are branded with the phrase "oh, she's a feminist." Sometimes traditions can be great and sometimes...well, sometimes they are the cause of pain and hardship beyond belief.

So you see, this book is in no way about pointing fingers. This isn't about 'hating all men' and 'all men are the same'. This is about delving deep into the roots of why things are the way they are and understanding that there are higher structural forces, like patriarchy, at play and they always have been. We need to understand that someone isn't sexist or violent because that's how they were born, but because they were socialised that way.

So if we teach and socialise humans to think toxically, surely we can reverse this and teach them rightfully, right?

What do you think?