The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 46: Gone

1 Month Later

Gabby.

My world is shattered into millions of tiny pieces.  There's no repairing it.  Just getting out of bed is physically and emotionally draining.  So I avoid it.  I avoid everyone and everything.  I keep the curtains closed, windows and doors remain shut, I distance myself.

My parents try to help me.  My mom tries harder than my dad.  She's not just worried for me but the other person in this room, the one that will be born into a life of complete shit.  A life where Jax Parker isn't here to make everything better.  So I avoid all topics of my pregnancy.  I avoid everything.

The door creeks open as it has every morning for a month.  I call this the 'shift change'.  I try and avoid this too. Sometimes it works, today it doesn't.

"Hey."  The familiar face of Morgan appears next to me.  She tucks my hair behind my ear and forces a smile.  I ignore her word and just stare at her.  She glances behind her at Cole, who is sleeping on the floor.  He's here for my midnight meltdowns of screaming and puking.  He really got the short end of the stick when it came time for their shifts. Sydney helps with making me look normal and getting me to shower. Morgan focuses on keeping me fed and attempting to keep my mind off Jax. My mind is always on Jax.  "You aren't ignoring me today.  Sydney is about to come in here and we are going to get you showered and dressed.  Then Cole, you, and me are going to go to Cedar Falls for lunch."

"I can't." My cheeks become wet.  "I can't go out of this room.  I don't want to see my parents.  They kept me from him.  I could have had more time with him.  I can't see them.  I can't see his house.  I can't do it."

"Oh Gabs, yes you can sweetie." She wipes my tears away with her fingers. "You need a day out of town.  No parents, you can keep ignoring them for all I care.  Just come with us."

"Please Gabby?"  Cole sits up with his elbows on his knees and stares at me.  His hair is disheveled and he has bags under his eyes, likely my fault.  "You can cry the entire way, just come with us.  We have to sign up for classes today and we don't want to leave you."

The thought of them not being here today actually begins to give me a bit of a panic attack.  They've been keeping everyone else at bay.  They know when I'm really down and when I don't want to speak to anyone. They keep my parents from bringing up the baby.  They keep Felix and Kane from dragging me out of this room.  I need them more than they know.  So just today, I sit up and throw my covers off.

"Holy shit it's working" Cole mutters with wide eyes.  Morgan hits him upside the head and then begins sifting through my closet to find me clothes.  She tosses me some cotton shorts and a Lions shirt before kicking Cole out.

"I'm scared." I whisper as she pulls my shirt off me.

"It's just lunch Gabby.  We will drop off our class selections and we will come home."

My head shakes.  "I'm scared to be a mom without him."  My eyes go anywhere but to my best friend, I select to focus on my desk chair. 

She takes my hand in hers and squeezes firmly. "So many people want to help you Gabby. Let them. Cole and I are here. You parents, Sydney, Felix, Kane... everyone. Let us help you."

It's not the same. What do I tell my child about their dad? That he killed himself because he couldn't take the pain of his sister's death? Their aunt? Do I tell them that she was murdered by our beautiful lake home? I haven't even told he Parkers that I'm pregnant. They never even knew about us dating. How do I tell them that I'm pregnant with their grandchild when they are hurting this bad? I'm sure they are mad at me for skipping the wake. I couldn't stand there with them again. I couldn't walk in and see just the two of them and his casket. I sent Morgan with my condolences. How do I tell my child that I couldn't even bring myself to attend funerals because I wasn't strong enough? If I couldn't even do that, how do I raise a child on my own?