The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 49: The Drive - Part II

Gabby.

In exactly two weeks, I will marry Kane Porter. The next two weeks can't go by fast enough. Not only because I'm eager to marry my fiancé, but I'm already ready to go home. I'm still driving, four hours away from Luxberg, and I can't wait to leave it.

Having our wedding in Luxberg was the one thing Kane would not budge on. It's not at all something I resented him for, I understood his thought process. First and foremost, I met and grew up with Kane in Luxberg. Our history stemmed from there, the good and the bad - and yes, we had a lot of both. Kane's mom had passed away four years ago and his dad was sick with COPD, making travel difficult. Eight hours is a long travel time for anyone going to a wedding, we wanted our family and friends there. This was never going to be something I would argue him on, especially since he was willing to leave his idiot brother in charge of his bar while he moved his life to be with me and my daughter in Minneapolis. He put being with us first, so I was willing to handle two weeks in Luxberg for him.

The next two weeks were basically set to be pure chaos. As soon as we arrive tonight we have our 'engagement party'. This is basically my mom's way of showing everyone I'm not dead or stuffed in some looney bin somewhere. Basically everyone gets to show Zo and I off. No one knows who her dad is other than my family and close friends, we intend to keep it this way. Next Saturday is my bridal shower, followed by my bachelorette party. Then I have one week to do finish touches and recover from whatever Morgan and Sydney have done to me at said bachelorette party before my rehearsal dinner the following Friday and my wedding on Saturday. 

Is it wrong to want to hole myself in my bedroom every minute that I'm not doing something for my wedding?  Probably.  But I don't plan on leaving the house.  There are certain things I want to do with Zo to make it a fun trip for her, but as I listed them out I realized there were definitely parts of my childhood I wouldn't be able to show her.   For starters, reading on the porch.  I can't bring myself to do it.  All those late nights on my swing, reading, looking up just in time to see Jax do the same and smile; I can't do it and I refuse to put her out there by herself when they never caught Courtney's murderer.  Then there was Kane's Bar & Grill.  I love my fiancé but so long as Tyler Porter was running that place there was no way in hell I was taking my daughter for pizza and popcorn.  Lastly, there was the lake.  No, she is not going anywhere near that fucking lake.  No boats, no fishing, no dock to read, no walks through the woods, none of it.  So we are staying in the house!

"Mommy I gotta pee."

I glance in the mirror and see I've lost my alone time, the nap is over. 

"Okay baby girl, you hungry yet?"

"I want tacos!"  Her little face lights up.

What are the chances that when I get to Cedar Falls they are going to have a Taco Bell with a play center attached?  I need to knock out some of her energy.  By then we will be three hours away from Luxberg. 

I take my familiar exit and drive past the University of Northern Iowa, pointing out all the familiar spots to Zo, the UNI-Dome, the library where I worked, the house she spent her first three years in.  Then I drove her past the athletic department, pointing and explaining that that's where her dad and uncle Felix spent most of their time.  That Felix played football and Jax was in wrestling.

My daughter does not ask about her dad.  Once she was old enough to understand a little better, I explained to her that he was gone, but emphasized on how amazing he was.  That she had his bright green eyes and his temper (not his best feature but I loved that she had part of him). I told her about the art on his skin and how much he loved books. That was when she began her reading obsession. There were follow-up questions that left me in tears for days.  I'm not sure if she was upset by the fact that she would never know her dad or if she saw how upset it made me, but she never asked anything again.  I didn't want this to be how we acted with the Jax topic, so I try to sneak him into conversations but she tends to shut down and get quiet.  She'll talk when she's ready, that's how it worked for me.