Happy Pills | Falsettos DISCONTINUED

.viii.

After a few hours of being left alone, Whizzer came back into the room. I huffed as he sat on his side of the bed and started speaking to me.
"Did you remember to take your pills today?" He asked gingerly, clearly afraid he'd trigger another outburst.
"No," I mumbled.
"Hmm?"
"I said no."
"You need to come take them."
"No,"
"Marvin, you don't get a say in this, you have to take them. You said you want to stop being treated like a child, but for that to happen, you gotta stop acting like one."
I knew he was right, but refused to let him have that satisfaction. I mimicked him silently, still facing the wall away from him in a sad attempt at making myself feel better, but it did nothing, as expected.
"Marvin."
"Whizzer."
"Pills."
"No."
"Fine." He got up and left, which was soon followed by the front door closing.

I assumed he was finally going to give me space, but I was wrong. A couple minutes later, he came back, but didn't come into the bedroom. Good. I don't need him anyways.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I unintentionally drive people away. I'm so scared of failure and rejection that I just push everyone away... God, that really sounds like something I'd come up with at Mendel's, but here we are. Alone. At a time when I really need someone.
But it's too late for that; now I'd have to apologize to Whizzer and tell him what's going on and I really don't want to. Apologies are the same thing as admitting defeat, something I don't do.
Maybe he'll come back in on his own terms and just lay beside me; no conversation, just the comfort of having someone there with me...

I began to feel numb as the phone rang. I knew Whizzer would answer, so I didn't bother getting up, but he soon brought the phone in and made me speak to whoever was on the other line.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Marv, it's Trina. How are you?"
"As if you really care." I replied, in a snappy, bitter tone.
She sighed. "I'm not doing this today. I called because Jason wants to go to your place this weekend."
"Okay,"
"But we needed to double check with you and see how you're doing. I initially told him no because of what happened earlier in the week, but he insisted I call you."
"I appreciate you calling, but I really don't think it would be a good idea for him to come. If he's that persistent, maybe I can take him for supper or ice cream or something, but not the whole weekend. I can barely handle Whiz being here," He shot me a dirty look from the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. "And I haven't been in the best state of mind lately. I just don't want Jason to come here, and feel like he's being ignored because I can't focus on anything or get out of bed."
"I understand completely. If you want to do that, just call me beforehand so I know what's going on, okay?"
"Okay,"
"Thanks. Bye,"
"Bye," I pursed my lips, ending the call and handed the phone back to Whizzer.
"You can barely handle me being here? What the hell does that mean?"
I groaned, running my hands down my face. "I don't wanna fight, Whiz!"
"You can't handle me being here," He repeated slowly, obviously getting short with me.
"All I've been doing is taking care of you, Marv! It's not my fault you can't 'handle me'," He used air quotes as best he could without setting the phone down. "If you were stable, I'd be out that door in a heartbeat! You are the most childish person I've ever met and I don't care if it's because of your mental health problems," He mocked me in a dumbed down voice. "You can't blame everything on that! That's like blaming a dog for a terrorist attack! They have nothing to do with each other! Grow the hell up, Marvin, or I guarantee you'll lose everyone you care about in life because once you can be alone again and we don't have to worry about you, if you're still pulling this shit, everyone is gone."
I didn't know what to say. I mean, he's right, and I always knew that, but... To hear it out loud is something completely different. I looked down at my hands as I twisted a part of the duvet, unsure of what to do.

After a while of nobody saying anything, Whiz sighed. "We need to talk."
My breath hitched as he said this. "About what?"
"Everything."
"I..."
"Look, even if you don't want to talk, can I at least apologize?"
I stayed silent, searching his eyes for any sign he was joking. After finding none, I shrugged.

"I know I've said some things these last couple days, especially in the last couple minutes, that I shouldn't've said, and I know they hurt you, but that wasn't my intention. I... Took on more than I thought I could handle with this, and I don't mean that to come across as rude. I've taken out my anger on you countless times, today being no exception, but I truly am sorry." He proceeded to apologize like this for the next couple minutes.
And I knew he was being sincere, but something in me said otherwise.

"I understand... Thanks, I guess," I mumbled, unsure of how to accept the apology properly.
"What was bothering you earlier? And don't try to get out of this conversation, because I'm not stepping down again,"
"It's just something Mendel said, it doesn't matter."
"Clearly it does if it spiked this kind of reaction from you,"
I sighed. "Fine. He... I brought up the thought of you only moving back in because you felt guilty, which you literally said before Charlotte came in, so don't outright deny it. And you sorta just implied it, yet again. Then, he made a connection between that and you saying that you were 'already tired of trying', which just made me think even more that you didn't really want to take me back or move back in, but that you did it because you felt like you had to,"
He was silent. "Marvin, no," He whispered after a moment, nervously chuckling.
"What do you mean 'Marvin, no,'? What kind if response is that?"
"I don't know what else to say,"
"Is it true?"
Silence.
"I thought so,"
"It's not true, it's just..."
"Just what?"
"Yes, I felt guilty, but I really did miss being with you and I'm glad we're back together."
I huffed in response. Of course I didn't believe him, but I was going to try to hide that to the best of my abilities.

The last thing I want to do is point it out to him if he doesn't already see it.