Goodnight Moon

10- Seventy Is A Lot of People

"No," I mumble at the TV screen as I watch the helicopter camera flying over a desert area and there's fire and ash everywhere. Turning up the volume, I listen to the reporter as the caption "Huge explosion in Afghanistan- many dead, several injured" flashing on the bottom of the screen.

"Earlier today, there was a bombing on a U.S. military base in the southern part of Afghanistan. A company of about 150 American soldiers were under the command of Captain Garret at the time of the attack with 60 bodies determined as deceased and another 70 seriously injured. They are still in search of about 20 missing soldiers. This bombing is significant because of two things. One- we don't know where it came from or who ordered the explosives but there are bomb experts studying the parts of it as I speak. They say that the explosives were underneath a car on the side of the road that went undetected."

I stop breathing because I recognize that name. Captain Garret is Adan's captain. I put my face in my hands and I try to find some air to put into my lungs but nothing is coming and I keep listening.

"Another reason why this explosion is something to watch is because of the high priority personnel that were documented as part of this company. The secretary of state's son, Ron Henry, was on base along with the daughter of Daniel Montgomery and the son, Adan Brooks, of an important business executive in the technology industry, Victor Brooks."

I feel like my chest is caving in.

"Their status is classified but we will get that information to you as soon as possible. A memorial service will be held in D.C. tonight and tomorrow night to honor the fallen and to pray for those who are missing. We wish these soldiers and their families the best of luck. Back to you, Aaron."

I grab my phone from beside my bed with shaking hands and, as I start to cry, I dial Adan's number.

It rings once.

"Come on, Adan," I whisper into the phone.

It rings again.

"Adan."

And a third time.

"Please."

Four.

"Please don't do this."

It goes to his voice mail after that. I put a hand to my mouth so that I don't start screaming or anything and then I dial his number again but after it rings another four times, it goes to his voicemail again so I hang up.

I don't realize that I'm throwing something until I hear the crash of the picture frame on the wall opposite of me. It was sitting on my night stand table- it was a picture of me and Leda- and it was close to me so I guess that's why I threw it.

I hiccup as I try to breathe through the violent sobs of panic but it's hard because my body is just kind of refusing to breathe. My brother just got blown up. There's a 60 out of 150 chance that he's dead. That's 40%.

40% chance that my brother is dead.

40% chance that I'm an only child right now.

40% chance that I am all alone.

40% chance.

I call his number again just to prove to myself that he isn't dead. He'll answer his phone this time because there is a 60% chance that he is okay.

It rings four times again and this time, when I hear his voicemail message thing, I wait until the end and I listen to the little beep before I start to leave my message.

"Dammit, Adan," I sob hysterically, pacing back and forth in my room at three in the morning anxiously. "Answer your fucking phone. I don't care about anything else, okay? I'll do the dishes every time because I know that you hate that and I'll be nice to your girlfriends and I'll never mess with your truck and I'll never touch your video games again. I don't care, I'll do it all just, you have to answer your phone. I'm not made out to be an only child. I need you, big brother. Oh my, God, I don't care about anything please just ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!"