A Series of Unfortunate Events Drabbles

For Secretary's Day!!!

For The Sake Of This Drabble & My Sanity, None Of The Baudelaires Are Dating The Quagmires. They May In Other Drabbles, But Not This One Because They Will Be Adoptive Siblings Here & I Do Not Appreciate Incest (? Duh?). So… Thank You For Listening… *awkward thumbs up*

Jacquelyn was sitting at her desk, trying to decide on whether or not to make Mr. Poe take her out for Secretary’s Day again or to just go home and get drunk off her ass and put on a bunch of temporary tattoos all over her body… like she did more often than you would think.

That was when they walked in… those fuck asses. Larry Your-Waiter, Olivia Caliban and Jacques Snicket. Also known as… those fuckers. Sorry. No. They were her quote unquote ‘lovers’... Those fuckers. She would have yelled at them for interrupting her work, but they brought their children with them. From oldest to youngest there was; Violet Baudelaire, Duncan Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire, Isadora Quagmire, Klaus Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, and Beatrice Snicket. Yes, they had seven children and four parents. It was a big family. Needless to say, they had a very big kitchen table.

“What are you guys doing here?” Jacquelyn stood up from her desk and took Beatrice from Jacques, “Hey there, Bea. Hey, baby.”

“It’s Secretary’s Day, Momma!” Sunny shrieked.

“... You guys do know that I’m not your secretary, right?”

“Yes, silly,” Oliva picked up Sunny. “But you are a secretary and that is a big part of who you are and we love you. So, we celebrate every aspect of your life.”

“No matter how trivial you may think it seems,” Violet smiled. “So, we are going to take you out for lunch.”

“Well, we are. The seven of us. Olivia, Larry and Jacques get you for dinner,” Isadora explained.

Quigley nodded in agreement with his sisters, “Exactly. You will be horribly outnumbered.”

“How reassuring. Let’s go then.”

“What about Mr. Poe? Shouldn’t you tell him you’re leaving?” Klaus asked with a frown.

“No. I call myself his secretary but I mostly just eavesdrop to see if he had any viable information. Let’s go!”

Duncan nodded as if that was a sane answer.

~~~

Later that night, Violet took her younger siblings out to their treehouse. She could only imagine how little alone time her adoptive parents got together, having seven kids. Someone always needed something. Needed to go somewhere. Needed food. Needed attention. Needed a new book.

So, if she could distract her siblings for an evening, she would do so, gladly. The four of them did so much for the children, and they didn't even care about the fortune that would be coming Violet’s way in less than a year. They didn't care about the sapphires that would go to the triplets in just over a year. They didn't care about money. They actually cared for their seven children. And after what they had been through, that was all the six older siblings could ask for. And knowing that Beatrice would not have to go through what they went through… that was amazing.

So, while Violet kept her siblings outside in their treehouse that she had built with Jacques, the adults could finally be together… in peace. But not the dead kind of peace. The good kind.

“Question,” Olivia asked about halfway through the mean she and Larry had made. “If we all were, hypothetically, to get married. Whose last name would we take?”

“Mine,” Jacques responded before anyone could bat an eye. “Snicket goes with everything.”

“Larry Snicket. Olivia Snicket. Jacquelyn Snicket. Love me some polyamory but that seems so… boring.”

“Jackie is right,” Larry nodded. “We should hyphenate.”

“But that is so excessive! Let’s see… uhm… Your-Waiter-Snicket-Caliban-Scieszka. And if they children wanted to ever take our last names, we’d have to tack on Baudelaire and Quagmire to that. No thank you.” Jacques chuckled.

“Oh, we could smash them all together,” Jacquelyn grinned, mischievously.

Olivia made a face, “Oh, right. Hello, I’m Olivia and these are my spouses, Jacquelyn, Larry and Jacques… What? Snalibieszter? Then we’d call your kids Snalibieszterbaudemire?”

“Yes, exactly,” Jacquelyn nodded.

“Let’s just be glad for a moment that it’s not legal for all four of us to get married,” Larry raised a glass of red wine. “For Secretary’s Day!”

“For Secretary’s Day!” The other three shouted and they all downed their drinks.