A Series of Unfortunate Events Drabbles

For Secretary's Day; The Schism

Jacquelyn Scieszka, everyone’s favorite secretary, had just guilted her boss into taking her out, as she did yearly, for Secretary’s Day. This year was much more uneventful than the last.Count Olaf was dead. The Baudelaires were safe. She was no longer a SECRETary. Now she was just your everyday, run of the mill secretary. It. Was. So. Boring.

Jackie was about to grab a fork to stab her own eyes out when someone walked in. A woman. Someone who looked very familiar, but she couldn’t quite place her in her mind. She had long, silky brown hair tied back in two french braids. She wore a long black dress that flowed down past her feet. The woman winked at Jacquelyn.

She knew that she had to know this woman from somewhere, but she wasn’t sure where… not until the woman lifted up her dress, ever so slightly, to reveal something on her left ankle. An eye. Not just any eye. The letters V.F.D shaped into the form of an eye.

Jackie took a deep breath as she realized who the woman was. She jumped to her feet. “Mr. Poe, I’m taking the rest of the day off.”

“But, Jacquelyn, it’s Secretary’s Day.”

“Yea, I’m going to go home and get drunk and put on a bunch of temporary tattoos…” She ran over to the woman without another word to her boss. “It’s you… isn’t it?”

“I can miss your birthday, Christmas, Valentines day… But not Secretary’s Day. Never Secretary’s Day.” The woman grinned.

“You never cease to amaze me, Olivia Caliban,” Jacquelyn ran her hands through her hair. “You were dead.”

“Agh, we can’t focus on that. Come with me!” Olivia grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the restaurant. “I have something for you.”

“What is it?” The secretary asked as the two of them ran, in heels. Olivia led her outside to a taxi. “Get in.”

“This is where I die, isn’t it?” Jacquelyn sighed as she got into the back of the taxi, followed by Olivia.

“Drive,” The brunette told the person in the front seat.

“Wait… This is Jacques’ taxi.”

“Oh, right. A lot to fill you in on. After Jacques died, his sister Kit took over the taxi. After Kit died, Jupiter took over. Jupiter Stone, yes, as in J.S. Everyone’s initials are J.S. Jupiter, you know Jacquelyn Scieszka?”

“Ah, another J.S. I’ve read about you. Pleasure to meet you. As I pull away from this sidewalk, we are going to be shot at. I suggest you duck and/or shoot back,” Jupiter handed Olivia a harpoon gun and Jacquelyn a revolver. “And if the taxi takes a hit, I will not hesitate to kill everyone. Be aware. Be careful. Goodluck. The world is quiet here.”

“She’s…”

“Exciting, I know,” Olivia grinned. As the taxi pulled away from the sidewalk, as prophesied, they immediately began to be shot at.

“Who is shooting at us!? Olaf is dead! The schism is over!”

“Oh, my dear Jacquelyn… The schism has just only began.”