Glass Planet

V I V A

Images swim before me, on the backs of my eyelids. I try to say something, scream something, but waves wash over the edges of my brain and eventually all of it, flooding my mind. I need to hold on. I need to not let go. I start to count, to list, to name. My brain is going haywire.

Alura Mom Logan Lyra

The names of the people I love.

San Francisco New York Los Angeles Denver Las Vegas Dallas St. Paul

Old Cities.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick, And think of you

Caught up in circles confusion--

Is nothing new

Flashback--warm nights--

Almost left behind

Suitcases of memories,

Time after--

That old song.

If you're lost you can look--and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting

Time after time

Time after time after time after time. Xander, Xander, Xander.

Xander. I am alive. I am alive. I am Alive. Colors, colors, colors. Sounds, sounds, sounds. Xander. Drowning breathing dying living. Xander. Why him? Who is he? Xander. The word slips from my mouth, barely more than a whisper. Xander. Eyes opening, colors exploding. Xander. He sits next to me. Asleep. Jesus, am I in a hospital? No. There aren't any bright white lights. But that song. That song...

I'm in Xander's room, and that song plays softly from downstairs. He's asleep in his desk chair, pieces of broken pencils littered around the table.

Did I do that?

I get up slowly so I don't wake him, and stand in his room listening for voices. I look down and realize I'm still wearing the clothes they put me in when I was in the lab, so I head out of his room and into the nearest bathroom. As soon as I close the door as quietly as I can and lock it, I half collapse into the counter, split knuckles (how?) gripping the edge tightly. I will myself with all my heart not to look at the mirror. I won't look.

"Thought you might need these," a voice says from outside the door. "Will you let me in?" swallow, and reach behind me to turn the lock. Xander steps in with a bundle of fresh clothes. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him leaning against the wall and watching me. I want to say thank you, and yet I don't. Why should I thank him? He's hesitating, holding back from something. After a second, he sets a hand gently on my shoulder. Normally, I would've attacked him, or violently shrugged it off, but I stand there without moving. I feel like my senses are acting up, and I'm hyper aware of everything. The rhythm of his breathing, his calloused palm on my bare shoulder, the brightness of the bathroom light. The bitter taste in my mouth and the faint smell of soap coming from him. He withdraws and turns on the water, and I swallow. My entire body is bruised and aching, so how in the hell am I going to shower?

"Not to make this awkward or anything, but you're gonna need help." I turn to see Xander's cheeks faintly red.

"Hell, no. I don't need your damn help," I hiss.

"Oh yeah," he says smirking. "Only when you fall and hit your head on every edge in this bathroom and knock yourself into tomorrow." I snatch the clothes from him. "Great," I say. "Hopefully it'll end my suffering for good." Xander watches me under impossibly long eyelashes. I find myself counting the various rings of brown in his eyes. Xander nods awkwardly, and I find myself holding back a laugh. "Well, uh, let me know if, um, you need help." He practically bolts out of the bathroom.

It's not easy, but I get it done. I feel a thousand times better than I did when I first came here for sure. After pulling on the clothes, I allow myself to look in the mirror.

Dark circles shoot out from the corners of my eyes, and my dark hair hangs tangled down my back. My normally coffee colored skin looks pale and gray now, and bruises cascade all over my visible skin like waves. I feel vulnerable in the soft white t-shirt and blue jeans. It's too much like home. But then again, I'm in no place to argue. I turn to open the door, but pain claws its way through my body, and I crumple against the door with a soft thud.

"Jesus, Viv, what's happening in there?" I don't answer. The ache throughout me is dizzying. "Open the door, Viva." Xander sounds desperate. I lift my arm to turn the lock with a finger. He stands on the threshold, looking down at me slumped against the cabinet under the sink. He bends down to help me, but I kick him in the knees and step over him. The pain is making me dizzier and dizzier; I barely make it down the stairs without cracking my head open. Before I know it, I'm at the door we came in through. Yes. I'm almost there. My head pounds and spins, but I won't stop. I turn to see Xander running at full speed down the stairs, making me yank the door open and start running as fast as I can. There's a bus leaving Washington Sector just a few hundred feet away. Almost there. Almost there. Mom, Alura. I'm almost there.

I'm on the bus.

~

My name is Viva Ross. I live with my mother and one of my sisters. They're not biologically related to me. My mother has lung cancer. My older sister, the one who left, the one who's gone forever, hates us. I hope I never see her again. I know I won't. My adopted father died when I was six. I have no idea who my biological parents are, or if they're even alive.

My best friends are Lyra Davis and Logan Custer.

~

My home was attacked. I tried to save them, the only two people I had left to love, even though they might not have loved me back. The light of my existence.

I was taken. I was taken from everything I loved, everything I lived for. They took me and they saw me and they broke my mind and my body into a million pieces.

There was a boy.

I thought he would be different. There's always an exception, right?

Wrong.

He's no different from the rest of them. Their worlds revolve around themselves.

I'll never see them again, and I'm glad.

If that boy comes back, I'll kill him.

~

I have no idea where we are. I'm one of the only passengers left, and I've been out for a good few hours, because the sun is starting to set. "Next stop, Ground Zero Transport Point," a cool female voice rings throughout the bus. I've come here with nothing but the clothes on my back, but then I realize there's something else. My watch is still on me. When I pass the ID wall, they'll know who I am. After I step off the bus, I check my watch for any alerts. Anything to look for Viva Ross, but nothing. Weirdly enough, neither Xander nor Emma has reported me. I decide not to disable the scanner on my watch. The credits on it will help me get the fastest transport to home.

After making it through initial security and the ID wall, I stand in line waiting for my transport car. It's only me in there; I'll have plenty of time to think of how I'll get to Alura, and with her, get to Mom. A nasty thought hits me; what if they didn't survive? No. They did. They had to. My car arrives smoothly and soundlessly, and I step in. It's not perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than what I would've gotten if I'd disabled the scanner. I expect it to start moving soon, but it doesn't. I wait a full five minutes, then get up to go out there and ask what's going on when the door slides open.

"Surprise," Xander says, sliding the door closed. I lunge towards him, my leg making an arc and my foot colliding with the side of his head. He crumples, and I kick him square in the stomach for good measure. I pull a sedative out of a compartment in the back of the car, and jam the needle into his neck. After regaining my composure, I stand up to admire my work.

"Yeah," I say to his unconscious body. "Surprise."