There is one thing that has been on my mind. The sad truth is.... I am always a second option. I will never be someone's first thought of the day. As everyone I know is out having a life and having fun... I sit in my room... alone. I thought theses days were over. I thought I would be able to go out and have fun. But then it come back to me... I am alone I will always be alone. Even when it come to the people I love. I am never their first thought... I don't matter. The dark days have returned. As the spring/summer I get to sit in my room and do nothing.
I miss the old me. The old me that felt no emotions. I use to not anything. I could do something wrong and I felt nothing. I never felt sorry... I never cried. I was numb. Numb to the feelings I wish could go away now. I hate having feelings. I hate being able to feel. It sucks. It shouldn't be a thing.
There is so much stuff on my mind. I don't even know how to put it in words. My mind is racing with all the thoughts in my mind.
I wish having friends was easy. I wish I could actually keep all my friends... but then think about it.. why would someone want to be friends with me. I am "so mean" to everyone. I am bully apparently.
Ugh.. I just don't know what to do anymore. What am I suppose to do with my life.
Grandma you are the reason why I am still fighting in this stupid world. This is all for you.
