What is left of me without you? // Demily fanfic

The morning after

She woke up in the middle of the night, shocked. What was that? It was the second time she had one of those... flashbacks? What did they mean? Every time she would have closed her eyes to sleep she would have had one? She couldn't stand it. She tried to fall asleep again, but didn't, and spent the rest of the night looking at the ceiling.
She was staying at Rossi's place, so when the sun rose and the light came inside through the windows, she walked down the stairs to find Penelope, Rossi and Spencer. Rossi couldn't let them go home all alone, so he made them stay. Probably he didn't want to stay alone either. Anyway, they were already awake, so she assumed that none of them had slept a lot that night. "Good morning Emily" Rossi said, with a soft smile on his face. " 'morning" Spencer and Garcia said in unison. "Guys, I... I gotta ask you one thing... How did exactly Derek die?" Yeah, because she had spent the past 24 hours crying over her dead friend, but she didn't ask the question. They were sitting around the small table in the kitchen, and were all busy preparing their breakfast, but when those words left her lips they froze for a long second, and then looked up at her. Garcia had already tears in her eyes, and Rossi was about to answer, but Spencer talked first. That surprised Emily, a lot. Of course she knew what Spencer had been through during those years, while she was away, and she was sure he had grown up, matured, but she couldn't have ever imagined that he would be the one to keep it together the most. "We were at a big house, and we were looking for a potential victim. When the house owner didn't come to open the door, we broke in. We didn't have any bulletproof vest, because we weren't expecting to find the UnSub in that moment. But Derek kicked down the door and in less than one second he got shot. He was waiting for us and didn't have any hesitation." She didn't need to hear anything else, or she didn't want. She couldn't handle it, and to make Spencer know it, she showed him her hand, a gesture to tell him to stop. He nodded. They stayed there for a few minutes, in silence, when Emily broke the silence, again "I wanna see him. Can I see him?" That was even a bigger question than the previous she had asked. The others looked at each other confused, they didn't really expect something like that to be asked, at least not in that moment. "Of course you can kiddo. We have called Derek's mom and sisters, they should be coming by now, and will be at the..." "morgue, that's fine" she said, referring to the word Dave hesitated to speak out loud. "Guys, you don't need to worry about me" she said, desperately trying to convince them that she was fine. "Emily..." that was Garcia, speaking for the first time that morning (without counting the 'good morning' she had barely whispered), while sobbing "if you're gonna be even through half what Derek has when you 'died', then you're gonna need a lot more worrying than this. Because Derek was beside you when you left us. Because the person he blamed for your death was out there, and he was willing to give his life to find him and kill him. But you haven't. That guy is already dead, Spencer shot him right after he shot Derek.
He had anger, and you're gonna have grief, a lot, too much to carry it all on your shoulders. We know how strong you are, you don't have to show us anything." Emily looked at her. Everything she had said, she agreed with it. But was she really that strong?