What is left of me without you? // Demily fanfic

This isn't goodbye

She walked into the morgue room where Derek's body was placed. He was covered with a sheet, his eyes closed. He looked like he was asleep, like if he was having a good dream. He looked in peace. She slowly walked toward the table. "Hey, what the hell is this mess? How is that possible that the minute I'm gone you screw everything up?" She was talking like she used to do when they were joking, but the smile on her face was fake this time. She sat down on the chair beside him. "Oh Derek..." this time the smile faded away, and tears formed in her eyes. "How could you do that? How could you leave me? Of course I don't blame you, Penelope just ended reminding me of the fact that there's no one left to blame, not even the bastard who did this to you. She's strong. She's your Baby Girl, and she's gonna be until she dies and after, and I'm gonna remind her of it every single day.
How can I move on after something like this? God, you had to die to make me see what a mistake was to move to London, and for what? Because this place didn't feel like home anymore? You were my home. I've always seen it, but never realized it. How can I find someone else to work with, another partner, and find the way to build a relationship with him, when I remember of you calling me Princess or protecting me every time, even in the field some times, even if I didn't need any protection? How can I keep working without knowing that, even if we had an ocean between us, I could come back anytime, and sit around a table and talk about anything just with glances and looks, with you. I... I don't think I can do this. But I will, anyway. I'm falling apart, I'm breaking, and then I'll get up again, because of the people who need the same help I need. Because of the 'pretty boy' you left, your little brother. You had told me he had grown up, but I didn't think that much. Anyway, he's gonna keep his emotions away from us, but I'll force him to talk, because I suppose that's what you all did with him when I died and I'm sure that's what you did when the love of his life died, because you eventually told me about that dark period." She stopped, she wiped her tears and kept going. "But how can I expect you to believe me when I tell you that I'm going to watch over them when you don't know what I decided..." she smiled, like if he could be happy and smile to her back when he would have heard the news "I'm coming back. I know, I know, you probably want to kill me right now, because I'm coming back now that you're gone, but I also know that you wanted me to do that, because you didn't want me to face this alone. And, I'm gonna keep all the promises I just made." "I know there's someone else who has just come to see you, so I need to go. If there weren't, I would probably stay here for the rest of the day, or the week, or who knows... This isn't goodbye, I..." she didn't know what else to say, she just took some long seconds to look at his beautiful face, because she wanted to remember every single detail of it "I tremendously love you, Derek Morgan. I hope you'll remember it, wherever you are." She softly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand "I love you" she said, and left the room.
Hotch, who had come to say goodbye too, hadn't looked at what was going on through the windows of the room, same as the others, because that was a so intimate moment no body would have ever violated. She walked out from that room and looked destroyed, but at the same time better than the previous night. "Are you fine?" The Unit Chief whispered, when she came toward him. "Yeah. Listen, I was wondering... Do you need an experienced profiler?" She weakly smiled at him, and he smiled too, because he was going to ask her to come back in that right moment, when he had seen her walking out of the room. "It depends... do I already know her?" "Yeah, I think you two might have met, once or twice..." she answered.