fire | harry styles

e i g h t e e n

>> give me some morphine, take the pain away <<

[ANGEL]

I wiped the warm tears that were trickling down my cheeks onto my oversized sweater's sleeve. It been about a week since Harry and I first slept together and ever since I've locked myself up in my room, just me alone with my thoughts.

I had spent the first couple days doing nothing but crying and regretting my decision regarding Harry. Then when I finally decided I wouldn't spend anymore tears on him, I would just sit in bed with a book and slowly get distracted and then quietly start sobbing again.

Emptiness. Used. Almost numb at this point. My eyes heavy and swollen from crying and feeling the dried up tear marks on my face. It was absolutely horrible, to have all these feelings and thoughts eat up your mind and you're not able to spill them out in anyway.

There's no way I would be able to talk to Johanna about this, even if I felt the closest with her. For starters she doesn't even know about me sleeping with Harry even though she would bug me about it and I'm sure she did the same with Harry too. But neither of us would break for obvious reasons and ever since that day the house has been extra quiet and darker than usual.

He broke my heart and he didn't even have it in the first place. He took advantage of me, slept with me, was cold towards me, and then moved on in less than a day. His words were on a continuous loop in my head and they were eating me up alive knowing that he had a point. Don't try to make me seem like the bad guy because I don't remember you doing anything to stop me. He was right, I did nothing to stop him from sleeping with me and I had no idea why because I had the chance to do so but I still let him. Maybe it actually meant something to me?

I've definitely felt this type of loneliness and despair before but there's no way I could ever get used to such an undesirable feeling. Yes, I chose to lock myself up here and isolate myself from any light but it's the best way for me to handle it.

A knock at the door drew me back to reality and I couldn't decide whether I was happy about it or not. I stayed quiet as I was afraid that my voice would give up on me from so much crying.

"Angel, dear? Please open the door. Let me in sweetie." I heard the desperation in her voice and I felt my heart break even more at how sad she was for me. I didn't want her to feel this way because of me so I finally decided to get out of my bed and open the door for her.

Her watery eyes were staring back at my probably messy appearance as a weak smile grew on her gentle face. I felt like I hadn't seen her in forever and I couldn't help but give her a hug and burry my face in the crook of her neck. Without hesitation she hugged me back, reassuringly. Somehow I felt like all my problems went away with this one hug and a shy smile spread upon my lips.

Johanna slowly pulled away from the hug and I frowned when she did so.

"Dear..." She gently took my hands in hers. "Please come down and eat something, I'll make you your favorite just please get out of this room for a bit. You don't even have to talk to me about what happened and I promise you Harry isn't around."

I looked back at her pleading eyes and was afraid that if I didn't take her offer she would get on her knees, begging me to leave the room. I nodded my head in agreement as I realized how hungry I was and Johanna quickly tugged at my hand and led me down to the kitchen.

She began working at the stove and went back and forth between it and the refrigerator. I didn't pay much attention at what she was doing as I hunched over in my chair. I looked out at the window in front of me that gave and perfect view of the backyard and the sky. I stared at the early evening sky with nothing going through my thoughts until it hit me that I lost track of time and had no idea what day it was.

"Johanna?" I croaked out, my voice all raspy.

Johanna turned around with a look of relief on her face probably since I had finally spoken. "Yes, dear?"

"What day is it?" 

"Oh it's Friday." I nodded my head as she returned to work.

Within minutes Johanna finished cooking and she placed a plate and glass in front of me : grilled cheese and orange juice. I gave Johanna a 'thank you' smile and she gladly returned it. While I ate she talked to me about random things that has happened throughout the week and I was so thankful for that because it quickly distracted me, a good distraction.

Right as I finished my meal the door bell echoed through the house. I quickly got up and started washing my dishes as Johanna rushed to open the door.

I dried my hands off on a paper towel and walked out the kitchen towards the front of the house and was immediately confused when I saw loads of workers bringing in all types of decorations : flowers, lights, chairs, boxes of alcohol, etc.

I looked all around as supplies were being brought in by people not giving me a glance, too busy working. I turned around when Johanna brought her arm around my shoulder.

"What's going on? Who are these people?" I asked.

"Harry hired them to decorate the place for tomorrow."

I felt even more confused and I'm guessing Johanna noticed as she further explained.

"Harry's campaign launch party is tomorrow night, for his company. I'm sorry, I forgot you didn't know." She added.

I nodded my head finally understanding and feeling a bit out of place. I felt very timid as I shyly looked around one last time before looking down at my feet.

Johanna rubbed my shoulder, "I'm sure Harry will let you go to the party, dear. Now I have to go show these people where the party room is." She reassured and walked away, ushering the workers away.

I stood in the middle of the mess that was going around and was too nervous too move and accidentally bump into something or someone so I just kind of stayed in place.

Soon my uncomfortableness grew when I saw Harry walk through the bunch of people and into the house. He was a couple of feet away from me when I bolted away and up the stairs. He wore another intimidating look and just the sight of him was enough to bring tears and make me run away. I locked myself in my room again, feeling trapped in a cage.

My heart filling with more hate for him.

A/N :

a depressing day calls for a somewhat depressing chapter aka an extremely shitty chapter. omg this actually sucks but i have no mental energy to try fixing it.

- n.a.