Twelve Wizards Under -UNDER RECONSTRUCTION-

Chapter 29- Luhan

Luhan's POV

When Jonghyun had said that Baekhyun was in the hospital wing, Luhan panicked. He waited until morning, and went to the hospital wing first thing.

"Hey, Baek. How ya feeling?"

"Fine, hyung."

Luhan nodded, slightly awkwardly, realizing that he didn't really know where to start when he thought about talking to Baekhyun. So he sat, and kept Baekhyun company while Madame Pomfrey looked at Baekhyun. Once she left, however, Luhan cleared his throat.

"Baek?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Hm, because I'm here? It's no big deal, I'll be fine."

"No, just...." Luhan sighed, feeling his stomach coil with dread. He hated having serious discussions like this. "I'm sorry that I never bothered."

Baekhyun's fidgeting stilled instantly, but the boy stayed silent.

Luhan swallowed hard. "Never bothered to....know you, I guess. I saw the smiling and heard the laughing. And I liked it. But I just....I needed that, and I didn't....I didn't stop to think that maybe there was more to you. And I'm so sorry for that."

Baekhyun nodded softly. "No worries, hyung. You just did what everyone else does."

"It's just that...." he trails off, and then starts over. "The more I think about it, the more I realize....you're more closed off than any of us, you just hide it better. But I want to know you, Baek. I honestly do. So tell me. Tell me something about you. Let me earn this."

There's a moment of silence, and Luhan is about to apologize again, when Baekhyun speaks. "I hate being up early, but I love sunrises. Sometimes I get up early to watch it rise before I go back to bed. It's my favorite time of day."

"Why's sunrise your favorite? There's nobody else awake. I always thought that it feels lonely."

"But that's exactly why. Nobody's awake. Which means nobody's there to expect things from you. Nobody that you can let down."

Luhan's chest clenches. "Who do you think you'll let down?"

Baekhyun shakes his head, not meeting Luhan's eyes.

"Tell me."

"You don't really want to know."

"Yes, I do. I wouldn't ask if I didn't."

"But you don't, Lu! You never want to know the important things. But you do. You do know them and you don't want to so you pretend that you don't notice things!" Baekhyun's yelling, and for the first time that Luhan's seen, it's not from happiness or excitement, but anger, no, maybe from hurt.

"Why do you think that?" Luhan tries his hardest to steady his voice, but he doesn't bother to pretend that the low tremble wasn't there.  He isn't expecting Baekhyun to look him in the eyes, isn't expecting a soft, low voice from Baekhyun that he's never heard before.

"Because...I know. You don't want to know."

"I do."

"No, you don't. That's you pay attention to whether Sehun's sweatshirt is zipped up when it's cold, but not the way he looks at you."

Luhan freezes, and Baekhyun keeps going.

"You care for people, but you don't want them to care for you. So you pretend. You pretend not to see that they love you, and then you pretend for yourself that they aren't hurting when you don't let them close."

Luhan took a breath, and asked what he'd been wondering all year.

"Why do you want me to date Sehun?"

"Because he loves you, idiot! He loves you so much more than what you're willing to let him. And you.... you would love him back, too, just as much, if you'd just let yourself. When he looks at you, there's a light in his eyes that isn't there otherwise. And everytime you blow him off, or push him away, that light dies a little, but it's still there, Lu. Are you afraid he won't make you happy? Because he will. Sehun will stand there at your side, rain or shine, night or day, and he will take all your problems away if you just let him. Sometimes he struggles a little. But he always saves you in the end. Don't give up on him, Lu. Not before you've given him a chance."

Luhan thinks, about his family, and his past, and his future. He lets out a deep sigh.

"I'm not giving up on Sehun. I think....I think I'm giving up on me."

He braves a glance at Baekhyun's face, and to his surprise, the younger boy doesn't look pitying or confused. He looks like he understands. They stay quiet for a minute, and then a whisper from Baekhyun.

"Sehun won't let you do that, either."

****

Luhan sat in the common room, twirling his quill between his fingers. He was trying to do his Theory of Charms report, but he didn't have more than his name and title at the top. He stared at his parchment, hardly seeing it as he thought if what Baekhyun said. You would love him back, too, just as much, if you'd just let yourself.

Luhan sighed, laying his head back against the chair. He wasn't supposed to have feelings for any of these boys. They were supposed to be safe. But no. Leave it to the damn Ravenclaws to mess that up.