Author: @SerenPenticuffPoet Title: In New Waters Chapters: One Last Time, The House, Drive
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
These are poems so here's what I think of each:
One Last Time:I enjoyed the poem, but I think you should've kept the dancing theme. Once you strayed away from that, it kind of went in every direction. I'm saying, you should've just described the way they dance and how the narrator feels/how the other person makes them feel. To answer your question though, I do think you portrayed the message properly.
The House: I love what you did with the seasons. It feels like you could be talking about actual people. The only thing I'll say is that you shouldn't use "he" and "she" more often. I say that because the constant repetition of the seasons is kind of annoying/confusing. This will also make the poem a bit more realistic in a literal sense. Even though I have a problem with the seasons and such I do think you were able to portray the message properly.
Drive: With this poem, I think you should start each stanza with "let's drive our car" because it just sounds really good and adds an aesthetic feel. This poem flows the best out of the three I've read and I think the message was portrayed well.
I want to commend you on the originality of The House. It's a really good peace and I love the play on seasons.
