I Am Plague

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

I stayed out the entire day. My classes seemed to fly by, though I couldn't recall one thing they were about. Yet again, Cain has locked himself into my head, not allowing myself to think of anything but him.     

I sat myself on the campus's lawn, taking in the spring weather as I studied for the exams. Though it didn't do any good, I realized nothing I read was really sticking to me, since all I could think about was stupid Cain with his stupid addiction, and his stupid selfishness about suicide.

Stupid.

On top of that, I still couldn't think of a damn thing to do for the Chemical Phenomenon, which as Cain mentioned before, was coming up soon. Nothing was coming to me and as much as I wanted help, my pride refused it.

It's not like Cain would help me now anyway.

I enjoyed the sounds of the students around campus as they were walking to their dorms or doing homework on the lawn like I was. Someone was playing music from their phone, and though it was loud, it didn't bother me at all.

I scanned each face meticulously, and of course none of them were Cain, not that I expected him to be out.

Still, a part of me hoped.

I wondered if he was okay right now. I wondered if he was lying on the floor drowning in a pool of chemicals. I wondered if he regretted injecting himself. I wondered if he was ever going to stop.

The sun began to set, casting a warm glow on the ground in front of me. Most of the students were packing up, heading for their dorms but I took my time. I couldn't promise I wouldn't cry in front of Cain if I saw him right now. He is a professional at bringing my emotion out spontaneously.

It was getting darker and darker out and I realized I would either have to go to the dorm now, or I'd be spending the night with the racoons.

Even with that thought in mind, I still hesitated.

I managed to get to the dorm building and trudged up the stairs to ours. My book-bag suddenly seemed a thousand pounds heavier. It was almost like somebody was pulling me back with a rope.

Cain is mentally exhausting, or maybe I just care about him so much I abuse myself over it. It's not his fault I trouble myself over him.

I reached the dorm and opened the door. Cain was the first thing I saw. His back was turned to me as he was pouring liquid into a glass. He didn't even look at me when I walked in.

"Have fun today?" He asked me, his voice unreadable.

"No." I dropped my book-bag on the floor making a loud thump.

He shrugged in response and stood. "Good night, then."

I couldn't believe it. I spent the entire day avoiding him and the moment I walked into the dorm he decided to evacuate. "Hold on." I said, reaching out and grabbing his arm before he could make it to his room. "That's it? You're just going to ditch the moment I enter the room?"

"As if it wasn't what you were doing all day long?"

"If I had known you were just going to avoid me I would have come back a lot sooner." I argued, still holding onto his arm without any reason why.

Maybe I just wanted to touch him. Yeah, I definitely wanted to touch him.

"I'm not avoiding you. You were avoiding me."

I scoffed, "Yeah, right, sure Cain."

He jerked his arm away and shook his head, "You really are so goddamn annoying."

"Excuse me?"

"Good night, Ophelia."

He turned his back to me and resumed walking to his room. I couldn't stop the words from coming out before they did. "You're such an asshole, you know that?"

He stopped, "Oh, I'm the asshole?

"Yes!"

"How?" He glared at me, "How am I so bad? How am I bad when I stay up every fucking night when you go out and avoid me? Do you know the hours I have spent staring at the clock wondering if you're okay?"

"You have no reason to worry about me." I protested, "I'm the one who should be worried about you!"

"The type of people that attend this university are people like me who come from the ghettos of this country, do you think I like it when you leave? Or that I know if you are in trouble there's no fucking way I'll be able to help you because I can hardly stand on my own?" He ran a hand through his hair, "I'm not trying to be an asshole, okay? I'm just-" He huffed, "I'm just trying to make something." He beckoned to his desk of chemicals, "But it's hard when I'm constantly worrying about you."

I didn't want to start crying. I told myself I'd keep it together. God, why do I always cry? "That's not fair."

He blinked at me, "What?"

"It's not fair you're allowed to be worried for me, but I'm not allowed to be worried for you."

"Ophelia, I'm a chemist, it's not the same."

"How is it not the same? I'll be a chemist too, that doesn't mean I'm going to inject myself with poison." I groaned in frustration, and because despite being so incredibly mad at him right now, I still wanted to touch him. To hold him. I hate my love for him.

"You don't need to worry about me!" His voice was loud, I wasn't expecting it, "I never asked you to care!"

"You're such a hypocrite!" All I kept thinking was how many times he and I had this argument. How our friendship is so bipolar, that half the day we can enjoy each other's company, and the other half he's asking me to watch him die.

I'm so terribly exhausted.

I took a deep breath and calmed the anger that was bubbling in me. "You know what? Just forget it. It's not worth it."

His eyes widened, before he narrowed. He opened his mouth to say something, but I held my hand up and cut him off, "No." I said, "Just, enough."

I shoved past him, and entered my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.