freak+ || pjm

chapter 10 : hypocrite

the cold air that flowed in through the opened windows tickled jimin's sensitive skin, he was quiet. sitting there, he realized it was quiet enough for him to hear his own heartbeat, beating away each second.

what if it ended? jimin thought.

his surroundings scarcely visible in the evening twilight. it seemed to drown out the colours of the furniture. unlike the furniture that would scream with colour again when the sun rises, jimin's colour had been squeezed out entirely from his body.

jeongguk opened the door to his guest room slowly, peeking in just to see once again a dark room with jimin in it. it had been days since the discovery. they had ran away quickly after discovering what was inside jimin's father's laboratory.

he wasn't recovering anytime soon, and jimin would always push jeongguk away whenever he tried to talk. jimin wouldn't let jeongguk pull him back into reality, he rather stay in the dark and in his own mind where he saw none of it. he thinks perhaps he could imagine it all wasn't real, that it was just a long nightmare he was having a hard time waking up from.

yeah, once he wakes up, everything will be back to normal. he'll see his mother cooking in the kitchen, he'll see his father smiling at him as he sits on the couch, watching the television. he'll get to see jeongguk where his eyes aren't just filled with fear, he'll get to see jeongguk in a euphoric state. he'll get back the utopia that he failed to appreciate and be grateful for.

"jimin."

"taehyung cal―"

"no, jeongguk, stop right there," jimin hushed, obviously the name mithered the boy. jeongguk only sighed and pushed the door open. his hands reached out for the light switch and all of a sudden, light was at every corner of the room. jimin groaned, trying to adjust his eyes to the bright light.

"jimin, we should talk," jeongguk closed the door and approached jimin. jimin only tilted his head to look at jeongguk, his eyes completely blurred, "there's nothing to talk about, jeongguk."

jeongguk sat beside him and shook his head, "jimin, you've been sitting here for days, everybody is getting worried, you should come out and take a walk, at least talk to someone―"

jimin snorts, "everybody is getting worried? about me? that's funny because last time i checked, i was deemed a freak and i had no one else to turn to except taehyung and you."

"it's been days, jimin." jeongguk sighed. he placed his palm on top of jimin's hand, slowly he wrapped his hands around jimin's and he looked at it, "talk to me."

jimin only knitted his eyebrows at the contact. "i said there's nothing to talk about, jeongguk."

jeongguk sighed loudly and got up, "you should meet taehyung, if i can't help you, maybe he can."

"what do you mean i need help?" jimin looked at the backview of his best friend. "i mean you shouldn't feel hurt alone, you should share this burden of yours with anyone, including taehyu― especially taehyung. taehyung can help you, jimin."

jimin scoffed, "i'm not hurting, i don't know what you mean." jeongguk narrowed his eyes and turned around, he crossed his arms, "what the fuck?"

"look, jimin, you're obviously not okay, and as your best friend i can't look at you like this, you are hurting, why do you not accept it? we can go through this together, jimin!" jeongguk blurted out words without thinking and immediately regretted it.

jimin opened his mouth.

"as my best friend, you should be understanding! as my best friend, you should play along with me! as my best friend, you should let me be happy! why are you taking away my last source of happiness, jeongguk?" jimin shouted. his hands reached for pillows and he started throwing it at jeongguk.

jimin was in a state of disbelief. he had never expected to hear himself questioning their friendship. he had regretted it, but what's done is done.

"as your best friend, i should be helping you out! instead of encouraging you sitting inside this dark ass room every day!"

"you're fucking running away from the situation, jimin! fuck, you should face it instead of hiding inside some god damn illusion that your father isn't the faceless person you saw in the visions!"

"for fuck sake, it is him, jimin!"

"you're father is the god damn faceless person!" jeongguk shouted loudly, each sentence louder than the last one. the only thing keeping him going is that he had his eyes closed this entire time. he couldn't look at jimin.

because he knew that when he did, he would regret everything and hug the poor guy.

so he kept his eyes closed, suppressing the urge to have tears flowing down his eyes, and it was hard. it was really hard for jeongguk.

"fine, fuck you, jeongguk." he heard jimin's voice broke. "if you can't be happy for me, then i'm leaving." a knife had flown into jeongguk's heart, the knife had twisted itself in his heart and it planted itself inside the organ.

as soon as the door closed with loud bang, jeongguk's tears burst forth, it punched him in the guts, ripped through his lungs, his heart, every single organ of his had hurt as he tried his best to suppress his tears. it didn't work though, tears still trickled down his eyes like sweat, wetting his cheeks.

hoping to drown his ugly sobs, he reached out for a pillow. what he didn't know was that the door was open slightly, a man peeking in to catch his little brother crying away.

"are you okay, jeongguk?" hoseok asked, his voice gentle. jeongguk immediately covered his face with the soft pillow in his hands, "yea, of course!" he chuckled.

"you sure?" hoseok asked again.

"definitely, bro," jeongguk smiled. "i saw jimin leaving," hoseok leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. jeongguk nodded, "y-yea, he is going back home, was just cleaning the room."

hoseok sighed, "okay, well if you want to talk, or you need any help, i'm here for you."

"i know. it's okay, i'm just- tired," jeongguk smiled. with that, his older brother left him alone in the room.

hypocrite was the only word jeongguk could now use to describe himself, then again everyone in the world is a hypocrite, at some point, one would pretend to be a plaster saint because that is just how the world works.