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Fifteen minutes after sending his final message, Harry checked his phone again to find there was still no response from Noelle. There was the same sinking feeling in his gut then, something reminiscent of a sack of pebbles settling right behind his bellybutton, that made his palms sweaty with nerves and had him turning on his heel, phone thrown back onto the couch cushions while he began the unsteady trip down the long hallway just off his living room and back again.
Pacing back and forth made him dizzy, but the feeling helped him think. It gave him a chance to isolate the reason he felt so thrown off balance (something he realized had very little do do with the path he was wearing down the hall). How he had managed to so quickly sully something so wonderful he wasn't sure—or, he was, actually, rather he wasn't sure just why he'd done so.
He remembered how he felt the night before, an uncharacteristically detailed account of his emotions was fresh in his mind despite the alcohol and the haze of the events. He remembered being comfortable on the way home, perfectly cozy in the back of the taxi they'd agreed to share with her head rested on his shoulder, his arms around her, and the smell of her shampoo filling his lungs.
It was friendly enough, he thought. There was nothing strange about being close, especially not since they were hardly dressed for the weather, both opting for light layers in the name of fashion, and since the cabbie refused to turn the heat on. He decided it would also be fine for him to rest his cheek on her head and pull her a little closer to him.
The kiss he placed against her hair was uncalled for, he decided after the fact. But they were friends, it made sense that he'd feel comfortable enough to show affection.
Similar reasoning had him following Noelle inside that night. She offered a nice cuppa and he could hardly find it in himself to deny her when the tip of his nose felt cold to the touch. He went into her apartment with giddy-excitement, his giggles echoing after hers when she mentioned the way the security guard in the lobby had roller his eyes at them.
He sat on a bar-stool in her kitchen, stirring his tea while she toyed with the handle of her own cup, small talk filling the empty spaces around them until there was no tea left to sip and they both moved to her couch—something about her back being sore from the back-less stools.
He wasn't sure when it happened, but a feeling he'd been willfully ignoring crawled a little further up his spine every time she threw her head back to laugh. He wasn't that funny, he knew, but she always laughed heartily at his comments, something that had been true since childhood, according to his mum and it made him feel warm despite the cold and bright despite the dulling effects that mixed drinks usually had on him.
He was doing fine pretending that his cheeks didn't hurt from the way he was smiling, pretending that his whole body wasn't overheating from the way the warmth of her skin radiated off her own jean-clad thigh and penetrated the material of his trousers while they sat side-by-side. He was doing so, so well, smiling happily and chatting casually until her small hand dropped onto his thigh. It was a friendly gesture, he argued with himself despite the effect it had on him and he tried to miss the way she was looking up just past her eyelashes but he simply couldn't. It was innocent, and she seemed almost bashful about the small bit of contact, and he couldn't help but want to lean forward and close the distance that had grown unbearably smaller between them.
It wasn't until he felt the gentle squeeze of her hand on his knee, a quiet sort of permission, that he noticed his hand cupping at her cheek, fingers halfway lost in the hair that fell around her face and his lips hovering just hers like it was second nature, like he was made to be holding her just so.
Everything after that seemed like it was out of his control. As though he was watching someone else he could see, if he tried to remember, someone with the same tattoos as him shed the first layer of her clothes easily, then shed his own top and eventually everything else on a messy trip to her bedroom. He could see his hands exploring, feeling greedy as they touched uncharted territory, exploring the hills and valleys of her body while she did the same to his.
It felt right. It all did, and maybe it wasn't but it felt like it was, and he knew immediately that he was much too selfish to push her away the way he probably should have.
When she came out of the bathroom, her eyes were sure and they held an intensity that was unfamiliar but all the same disarming. She made her way to him with sure steps, crawled up the bed to straddle his lap with eagerness that was just as selfish as his and he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop her. He knew also that he didn't want to stop her.
The next morning he woke up with a splitting headache and panicked when he saw her sleeping face on the pillow beside his.
Harry heaved a deep sigh and collapsed onto the couch after another three trips up and down the hall. It would have been so easy to just stay in the morning.
Maybe it was insecurity that had him rushing to collect his scattered clothes and leave, maybe it was fear of his own feelings. Either way, Harry knew he had only himself to blame for how things turned out.
The thought alone made him sink further into the leather of his seat, had his hands reaching up to rub harshly at his face. He didn't know what he would say when she got there, how he'd put feelings he'd still not fully worked through into words, but he knew he needed to fix the mess he'd made.
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harrystyles: I do.
♥1,992,971 likes 61,824 comments —
marryharry Woah! "I do"... did he get married?
greytulips @marryharry Not likely?? He's single as far as we know
onedupdates His handwriting is so pretty!!
harrying You: Is he married? Me, an intellectual: Song lyrics.
nicholasgrimshaw Good man, Harry.
annetwist Very sweet, darling. Glad everything worked out. Talk soon x
ellieno This is a strong start to 2018
gryles I can't believe how active he's being!!! He posted a New Years photo like a week ago y'all!!
hinbetweenmyteeth @gryles What if he got a marketing team? Like a pr rep to post for him? This is really weird
harrystyles @hinbetweenmyteeth Nope. It's me. All the love. H [gemmastyles, gryles, noellebeaux, and 4,293 others liked this comment]
noelleslays Meanwhile Noelle hasn't been active at all... I mean she liked this photo but that's literally it.
noelleannabeaux @noelleslays THIS PROBABLY MEANS NEW MUSIC THO SHE GHOSTS US SO HARD WHEN SHES PRODUCING STUFF MANS!!!!
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A/N: An irl moment!!! Did you enjoy it? Do you want more or would you prefer this be strictly instagram and iMessage? Please let me knowww 💃🏻
Also, y a l l. I had to write that sentence so many times to get my handwriting even a little similar to his. Mine is usually really tall and wide (literally the opposite of his rip) so I APOLOGIZE if you could immediately tell that it wasn't actually him.
