"Why're you doing that, petal?" Harry asked, shuffling to inch his body back up against the headboard, pausing the movie they'd both been half-watching. He had been distracted by her busy fingers as she messed about on her phone.
Noelle shrugged, rearranging herself between Harry's legs and dragging the heavy duvet higher up her chest again to tuck under her armpits while she checked the upload settings on her post.
"I always get nervous when I announce things, I guess." She spoke lightly, inspecting the simple image for flaws. When she failed to find any, she added, "I mostly do it so I can sleep tonight without obsessing about every reaction I get. Works pretty well, I think. I recommend it, actually! I remember Anne telling me you got super nervous when you announced HS1."
Harry thought about it for a moment. He tried to remember just how nervous he had felt when he announced his first solo album. It was double-edged.
On one hand, he was thrilled to let the world hear what he had to say. Music had always such an major outlet for him that releasing his thought in songs was liberating. But, on the other hand, showing people those thoughts exposed them to the judgement of assuming eyes and it was impossible not to feel nervous and vulnerable about how people would interpret—or worse yet, misinterpret—what he had to say. He figured that applied to more than just music, but since music always went hand-in-hand with his emotions, it was far more personal. To show someone your craft and your feelings in the same work was always especially nerve-wrecking. That was, if he thought it through and was made to single out a cause, the reason why why he'd been so anxious, and he knew it was likely why Noelle was nervous to make her announcement as well.
He knew also that the added pressure of the photographs that had been leaked continued to take shots at her from time to time. She didn't complain–commented once that Harry's privacy had also been invaded and brushed off the effects it had on her, but Harry knew. Some days she would cringe away from prying eyes with a bashful sort of embarrassment that did not befit her vivacious character. Others, she would hesitate to post a photo, staring and prodding, scrutinizing it in an effort to pick out the things wrong with it before anyone else had a chance to point them out and eventually deciding just to not post it at all.
It was all minor, Harry supposed, but it was big to the extent that she had no reason to hesitate at all. He didn't like to bring it up, mostly because Noelle didn't like when he did, but he couldn't help but feel angry at the thought that this invasion of privacy was the reason for her sudden aversion to the public eye.
This sweet, caring girl, the single most loving person he had met in a long time, felt like she had to be the one cringing away from attention just because her privacy was stolen in such a crude way. It made him feel sick quite honestly. Frustrated him so to think about the way the media had made her feel during such a sensitive time. Made him feel an unfamiliar sense of betrayal at the way misguided fans spread the news of them around like wild-fire, like some sort of cheap spectacle. And it was especially infuriating to think that some nobody in God-knows-where was earning a pretty penny off of her shame and their relationship.
"They're going to love it, angel." He settled on offering. He figured ultimately, there wasn't anything he could say to truly ease her anxieties. It had been the same with his mum. He remembered then how adamant she'd been that everyone would love the album, that the songs were lovely. None of it made him feel any more relaxed or at ease. It, at best, appeased him until he saw for himself the reactions of his fans, so he didn't think she'd be much different.
Harry felt his entire body relax when she wiggled away to flip onto her stomach, the blue of her eyes catching the dusty orange light coming from the half-open curtains. The bits of sunlight still lingering just beyond the horizon made her skin glow warmly, the heat of it scorching against his own. Laying between his open legs, her hands had discarded the phone somewhere between the white silken sheets of the unfamiliar bed, busying themselves instead with the band of the boxers he'd throw on hastily.
"I don't like being nervous but I always am..." She trailed off like she had more to say and Harry nodded encouragingly. Dropping his head back to rest against the headboard, his eyes looking down the slope of his nose at her cautious face. "And it isn't because of the photos, by the way," She added hastily, rolling her eyes at the way Harry's smirk deepened the dimples on his cheeks. "I can practically hear your thoughts right now."
Harry's heart felt tight in his chest then. Not because of the words she was speaking necessarily, more so the meaning of them. Behind playful scorn and dismissive denial was care, the unmistakable signs of it clear in the way she tried to keep him from worrying. It made him feel better and worse all at the same time and while his heart struggled to decide how it felt, he simply matched her small smile, reaching to tuck a strand of messy hair behind her ear.
"I love you."
"And I love you." Noelle replied instantly, no hesitation in her voice this time, and while Harry knew there were more words he could say, different things he might want to offer her as comfort, he settled for the simple sentiment. It was enough for the two of them as she dug around with one arm for the phone she'd discarded to press a confident thumb over the 'post' button, enough when she flung her phone to the end of the bed again as though it had ignited and burned her fingertips, and enough as they settled against each other for the night.
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noellebeaux: May 15, 2018
♥4,221,048 likes COMMENTS DISABLED —
A/N: Hi, friends! Hello!! I'm kinda feeling these irl moments B U T I need to know if you guys are okay with them also because I can def just make insta posts n stuff. These are mostly fillers for now because I have some edits to make before we can get the plot rolling a bit further along :)
Also look at that album cover!! I was quite proud of it 🤡🧴
