The Widow's Wish

Chapter 10

Olivia’s hands shook as she read the letter. When she finished it, she folded it up, and opened her mouth to let escape the giant sob that had begun to rest on her heart, but no sound came out. She could only shake and breathe. Her head began to spin, and Olivia found that she needed to lie down.

As she lay on the settee, Olivia looked up at the ceiling and thought of Andrew. She had tried to bury her feelings for him, to trap them in ice and her cutting off all knowledge of him was the true reason behind her offering no condolences. She had no idea that he had lost his children to the fever.

It was this thought that finally gave her the ability to cry, and she did, remembering the sweet little girl and boy and how Eugie had bonded with them immediately. Olivia had been preoccupied with Eugie and her own sickness, and Olivia had wanted to stop the growing feelings she had for Andrew, for his own sake. Because of this, she had no idea of the tragedy that had befallen him. She cried for him and his loss, and determined that the least she could do was go to him and offer her forgiveness.

Olivia set out that night, no matter the time. She was desperate to see Andrew. She had grown to care for him and the thought of his suffering and pain brought such sorrow to her. On the journey to Green Boughs, she remembered the harsh words she used to part with him. Olivia had said that the children were the impediment to her relationship with Andrew. She wondered if she had cursed them with her carelessness. She had simply wanted to cut all ties with Andrew, and chose the most terrible things to say in order to do so, but had never thought that her words could affect him after she was gone.

Olivia was nearly hysterical when she reached Andrew’s townhouse. There was only a housekeeper, an older woman who had been recently employed, and who had not known who she was. The woman simply waved her in with a warning that the master was well into his cups, and as she entered his study, she saw Andrew holding a glass of liquor, with a pale and wan face and dark circles around his eyes, and a look of abject despair that made tears spring from her eyes anew at the sight of him.

“Is this a spectre I see before me? Or merely a demon?”

“Andrew,” her voice broke as she said his name. “Andrew, I had no idea, I did not know...”

“What? Now that they are gone, have you come to claim your prize?”

Olivia gasped. “Andrew. I am so sorry...”

“Sorry for what.” He swung his arm and his drink spilled a bit as he wavered. “You have what you wanted. No children. So all impediments are gone I suppose and you have come to have me. But I must warn you that I am damaged goods and worthless to you, Olivia. I have no heart left to give love to anyone, let alone one as free of feelings as you.”

Andrew sank back into his chair, and poured a fresh glass, taking a moment to sip. Olivia sank to the floor, near his feet and placed her head on his knees. She was grateful that he did not push her away, but merely sighed.

“Andrew I am truly very sorry. I did not mean those terrible things I said to you. I was unworthy of your admiration truly and wanted to break from you, and I thought this way was the best.”

At those last words, Andrew let out a bitter laugh. Olivia looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes, and the hard look on his face softened. He smiled at her, a sad little smile, and poured another glass of brandy.

“Then we are friends again. Have a drink with me.”

Olivia never had a taste for liquor, but she obliged him, sipping her cup and feeling the fire enter her stomach and making her feel alive. The silence was broken when Andrew began to sob loudly.

“Why is everything I love taken from me!” He cursed fate, and Olivia could only hold him close to her as he cried into her arms, until the waves of tears subsided. When he was all done, he pulled her closer to him, and did something that truly shocked Olivia, but also felt incredibly right. He pressed his lips to hers, and she did not resist but pulled closer to him, mirroring his passion and exploring his mouth as he explored hers. She ran her hands through his golden hair as he ran his hands all over her body, and as he pulled at her bodice, she tore at his shirt.

Olivia did not think, she could not think. She could only feel the pleasure running through her body and soon the pain, as Andrew took her. Andrew looked at her with a mixture of love and regret, and when he was done, she was surprised at how empty and hollow she felt. Olivia could only dress quickly, and help Andrew, who was more drunk than she realized, into his clothes and finally his bed, letting herself out of his home as he slept, and headed for the town home.

She felt her heart in her throat, and the realization of what had she done plagued her, as she changed her dress, taking the one she had worn to Andrew’s house and placing it in the fire. She sat and watched the dress burn, thinking of the tall dark man with the handsome face and crooked smile that she had promised to wait for merely hours before.

It was Eugie who found her there the next day, asleep by the fire. A strange sort of hardness had overtaking Eugie once again, and she ordered Olivia up and to change. They were to pack their things and set out for Uncle William and Aunt Charity as soon as possible. The younger sister made the decisions for the elder, and Olivia could only nod and agree, feeling shame at the anger she saw in Eugie, and the disappointment her sister could not hide from her.