The Widow's Wish

Chapter 11

Four Months Later

Olivia lay in her bed thinking about Christian while nibbling on a piece of licorice that Eugie had been kind enough to bring her from a trip into town. It had been a particularly trying time since returning to her Aunt and Uncle’s home, and Olivia found most of her days were spent within these four walls, writing letters that would wind up crumbled or burned in the fire, unread; she had no address for Christian to write on the envelope.

Eugie had mellowed from her initial hatred and anger after reading Lady Cordelia’s letter, and now regarded her elder sister with a restrained disdain and pity. It was astounding how Olivia’s position of beloved adopted daughter/niece had changed since her return to her childhood home with her Aunt and Uncle. Word of her scandalous behavior had reached the ears of her Aunt Charity, and this coupled with her sister Eugenia’s testimony and the letter penned by Cordelia had caused her to fall quite far in the view of her beloved guardians.

Aunt Charity and Uncle William had accepted her into their home, but it was well known to her that they did not approve of her actions, and her punishment was to spend her days languishing inside of their home, in her room, eating sweets, writing melancholy letters and crying over her sins. Eugie was no comfort. She had turned a cold heart towards her sister after her sins were exposed by Cordelia, and Olivia did not get more than polite yet cold greetings from her sister.

It shocked her how her Aunt, who had such an adverse reaction to Olivia's younger sister during their first meeting, now embraced Eugie as a daughter. It was true that Eugie was much calmer and more refined than she had been during their first meeting, but Olivia was astounded by how much her sister and also her Aunt had changed.

It was Eugie now, wearing the fine gowns, visiting the neighbors and having her hair fixed up by Mary, the maid. It was Eugie who was referred to as “Her beloved niece,” Eugie who received dancing lessons and was introduced into society for the prospect of marriage. Although she had not received the education of her elder sister, Eugie still had a very lovely face and figure, and the calmness that had overcome her nature, along with her sweet ways and comfortable manner with children, combined with the fact that her Aunt and Uncle had a significant dowry for her made her a viable prospect on the marriage market.

This was not the true cause for Olivia’s distress, however. If anything, she was happy that her Aunt and her sister seemed to have a genuine affection between them, and that her sister now had true prospects in society warmed her heart. What caused Olivia melancholy was that both her sister and aunt viewed her with disdain and kept themselves apart from her. Olivia knew that she was at fault; it was her atrocious behavior that was to blame for her current situation.

Olivia grumbled and rubbed her belly. Eugie and her aunt had gone visiting this afternoon, and her uncle could not withstand her company now that he knew the truth about his niece. He had been the only solace in her prison, and had maintained his sweet nature towards her until three days ago, when she had finally shared her pitiful truth with him. He had erupted like a volcano, and Olivia was afraid to cause him to have an apoplectic attack.

Eugie was the first to discover Olivia’s condition. She had noticed that her sister was peaky, and could not hold her tongue, crying out “She’s with bairn,” and pointing a finger as she connected the dots to Olivia’s recent green-ness and inability to keep solid foods down. Aunt Charity had responded with disbelief, but when Olivia could not raise her head and look at them both, they knew the sordid truth. Olivia could not believe her misfortune. One terrible choice, one terrible mistake, and she and Andrew had brought life into the world. She kept her tongue in respect for Andrew and his grief. He had not thought clearly, she was sure. But she knew what she was doing and what she did and she deserved this punishment. Her Aunt and sister presumed that Christian was the culprit, and Olivia did not correct their error.The ladies had kept this disgraceful news from Uncle William as long as they could, but as Olivia was beginning to show, she had chosen this week to come clean to her uncle.

He would not turn her out. For that, Olivia could be grateful. She and her child would have a home. But the look of anger and disappointment that her uncle had was enough to deflate any hope for happiness that Olivia had. Her current predicament, combined with her separation from Christian had Olivia on the brink of despair. She had no word of him, and Olivia felt that her impetuous and deceitful behavior had been the cause of this somehow. No word from him, no way to express her apologies for the terrible mistake she had made left Olivia especially melancholy and distraught. The only thing that lifted her from despair was the fact that she was carrying another life within her. Somehow, despite the sadness of the situation, Olivia felt hope. There was a life growing in her, and she resolved to remain positive and give this life all that she could.

She could not help but be melancholy on days such as this, however. Her uncle had not softened towards her. Her aunt and sister continued their campaign of silence and reproving looks and words, she was constantly uncomfortable and unwell, and she found that she was longing for Christian’s company more than she had ever longed for it.

Olviia was laying on her bed, sighing and chewing on a small piece of licorice, when Molly, the maid, came into the room.

“Oh miss, there is scandal below!” Molly squealed. Molly had been the only one in the house to speak a kind word to Olivia since her disgraceful return. Olivia had felt as if Molly was her only friend in the world these past few weeks. The maid had a sister who was disgraced, and perhaps this softened her to Olivia’s predicament.

“What do you mean, Molly?”

“Why there has been a row!” Molly took Olivia’s hand and helped her to sit up.

“A row?” Olivia croaked and straightened up at once. She feared that the peace and harmony between her aunt and sister had somehow combusted.

“A gentleman...” Molly began.

“A gentleman!” Olivia exclaimed. She wondered if Andrew had finally shown his face, and wondered what would bring him to her. Had he come to acknowledge the terrible mistake they had made? Had he come to make amends or to point a finger at her?

Her reverie was broken by Molly’s words. “Oh yes, a fine gentleman, tall dark and broody. Fine clothes, came asking after you and the master became quite hysteric, blaming him for your situation and the young man, well, he was so calm throughout.”

“Tall, dark and broody?” Olivia’s voice cracked. Andrew was tall, but he was pale and his hair was a golden blonde and his eyes were the purest blue of the sky. Tall, dark and broody were not terms with which to describe Andrew. Those words caused her stomach to churn and she could only think of one person. She could only see Christian standing before her, and acknowledging this cause her heart to leap to her throat.

“He was a right handsome fellow,” Molly conceded. “Asked after you, and the master replied most indignantly that he should be concerned with you considering your condition and all, but the young man, he just, well, he seemed right perplexed. He said the master must be mistaken, excused himself and left quite elegantly.”

Olivia could not help the gasp that left her. “He left. Without leaving word...”

Molly looked up at her mistress. “Yes mum. Left straight away. The master is in quite a state.”

Olivia leapt from the bed and left her room, Molly crying after her. She found her uncle in the library, wringing his hands, and Eugie sitting in a chair nearby.

“Your Mr. Blackwell, he has some nerve.” Her uncle’s words were gruff and caused Olivia to shake a bit. “He comes here, well adorned like a toff, asking after you and then refuses you when he learns of your state! He had some unbelievable bit of news for me.”

“Is it true?” Eugenia looked at Olivia straight into her eyes as she made the inquiry. It was the closest she had gotten to her sister since their return to their Aunt and Uncle’s home. “Are you so terrible? Have you been untrue to Christian as well? I can’t help but believe in your wickedness.”

“Aye!” Olivia was shocked by her Uncle’s outburst. “I can attest that I believe the young man’s shock was true when he learned of your condition! He had a look of shock and surprise on his face that I could not ignore. Tell me niece, are you so wicked? So impure, that even this bastard, coming to legitimize you, you have shamed with your indecency?”

Olivia could not look into her Uncle’s eyes. She could not face his censure nor her Eugenia’s. The only thing she could do was cry, and this itself was an admission of guilt. She did not look up, but she heard the gasp from her sister, and the groan of disapproval from her uncle. Olivia merely cried for a bit, and when she finally looked up, she saw the looks of utter disgust and reproval in both her Uncle’s and sister’s eyes. Eugie stormed out of the library, but her uncle remained firm, shaking his head at her.

“I will always love you, Olivia.” He said, wringing his hands. “Perhaps I have not done enough to ensure that you would turn out well. But you will always have a place in my heart and my home. I can only pray that you will one day deserve the love and comfort I have sought to give you.”

At those words, Olivia stood and walked out, retreating to her room. She cried into her pillow the entire night through, falling asleep while clutching onto her sheets, thinking upon the fact that Christian had finally returned to her, only to leave disgusted when he had learned of her truly perfidious nature.

She dreamt of herself giving birth, not to a child, but to a porcelain doll that had a cracked face. Her Aunt and Uncle would not speak to her, and Eugenia was wearing  crown as if she was queen. It was made of ice, and she sat upon a glacial throne. She held a scepter that was an icicle in her hand and when she pointed it at Olivia, her heart began to freeze. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but the words would not come out. Her dream was interrupted by Molly, who had stormed into the room, screaming.

“Miss! Miss!” Olivia darted up at once.

“What in blazes, Molly!” Olivia shouted.

“Miss Eugenia.” Molly panted. “Miss Eugenia is gone.”