Dead & Gone. [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 18: Depression.

Chapter 18: Depression.

Sadly the time at the lake house went by fast, and before I knew it, it was time to go home. I’m still in contact with everybody and most of my days were spent with them. I was rarely around my family but I had fun when I was with them. Some of the summer was video tapped. Now it’s time to go school shopping and start to watch the summer green leaves turn orange, yellow and red. I’ve already went to visit my friends to see how their July was and how they were getting on. Ashley and her boy friend broke up; she wasn’t too broken up about it since she found a new guy in less than a week. Lucas has found a boy toy for himself and he’s happy. They’ve gained alot of tan on their skin. I’ve tanned alot as well but there are stupid lines that show where my clothes were.

Since we’ve gotten back to California it’s been rough. He and Lacy haven’t spoken lots and that really worries me. She doesn’t even stay at the house anymore. Is it sad that I knew this would happen? Is it bad that actually saw this coming?

The day has been exhausting, well not exhausting. Boring is more like it. I’ve spent most of my day watching horror movies in my room. We went shopping for school supplies and outfits. Dad seemed a bit quiet and closed off. I tried to make him laugh but he just stared at me and then kept of walking. Something there must be wrong, very wrong. He never even smiled when I said that I’m taking the drums this year for school. It’s like all the happiness and joy has been sucked from him. I feel like it’s my fault. If I had just stayed in Chicago then things would be good.

My eyes fought against the heaviness of the sleep. My room was lit up by my nightstand’s lamps. I heard muffled voices but they were loud enough for me to know that they were yelling. A male’s voice was distinct and low and a female’s voice screamed out muffled words. I couldn’t hear words being spoken but by the intensity of the voices it couldn’t be good. My stomach turned as my heart was frozen in a deep pit. I didn’t want to move but curiosity got the best of me. I rolled from my bed, landing on the floor with not a sound. My legs were chilled so I wore a pair of grey sweat pants and a graphic tee shirt. I tip toed to the door and pulled it open quietly. The voices suddenly became really loud. My stomach turned violently.

The hall was dark and the voices were loud, I could tell it was Jimmy and Lacy yelling at each other. It was heart breaking to hear him in that much pain. He was suffering and I could hear it in his voice. The amount of pain that radiated in his voice was gut wrenching.  

“It’s either me or her. You either put her on a bus back to Chicago or I’m walking out that door and never coming back.” Lacy said with a strong willed voice. Her words made me feel like she back stabbed me, she said she was my friend and then she said she wants me gone. How can someone do that? I slid my back down the wall and sat by the stairs, I couldn’t control the tears coming from my eyes. They flowed down my face as I sat there listening.

“She’s my daughter, I can’t do that.” Jimmy snapped back with a pain stricken voice. It made my stomach lurch. I felt happier knowing that he’s defending me.

“How do you know she’s your daughter? Matt told me there were more men than you.” Lacy shouted at my dad. Why does Matt keep denying me? Was my mom that bad of a person? I swallowed hard and my heart was sinking in sorrow. I bit my bottom lip and stared at my lap, listening to their argument.

“She is mine, I signed her birth certificate and I’m going to be a father to her.” Jimmy said with a booming voice. I stayed there and listened more while I wiped the tears from my eyes and wallowed in myself. How can she be so cruel? Why is she so angry with me? I gave her a chance because Jimmy wanted me too and this is what happens. This is why I don’t like letting people in. This is why I have trust issues.