Helpless (Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader)

Your Fault

You sit anxiously next to your phone as you await the call that could change your life. You had texted Lin about an hour ago, and asked if he could maybe give any insider information, for example, if you got in.

He replied, Sorry, can't say anything. You'll find out in an hour anyway, be patient!

You of all people should understand how nerve wracking it is waiting to see if you got a callback. Pleeeeease just a little hint?

Sorry, can't!

And now, you were waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, your phone rings, and you pick it up so fast that you almost drop it.

You finally are able to answer it, and you say, "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Y/N L/N, right?"

"Yes, it is," you answer, barely able to keep your voice from shaking.

"This is Tommy Kail. I called to tell you that you got a callback."

You can hardly contain your excitement. You had the chance of being in Hamilton! "Wow, um, thank you!"

"You're welcome. The callbacks will be tomorrow at 5:00pm, at the same location. Will that work for you?"

"Um, yeah."

"Great. We'll see you then."

"Yeah. Thank you!" You stumbled over your words, but were too excited to care.

"'Bye."

"'Bye."

You hang up, then squeal. You weren't much of a squealer, but you felt like you had to. You got a callback!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The callbacks went good. So good, in fact, that you got Eliza! After you found out, you ran around your apartment, screaming, so elated that you got to be in Hamilton.

You called Lin right after you found out, and you talked about how thrilled you were to be in the show. He invited you to come over to celebrate, and you happily accepted. You just loved the sound of his voice, and after you hung up, you felt as light as air. Finally, things were going your way.

About fifteen minutes later, you knock on Lin's door.

When he opens it, you both smile. You had missed his face, even though you had just seen him a couple days ago.

After he leads you inside, you both go into his kitchen.

"So, we have quite a few options for our celebration today. We have ice cream, two leftover cupcakes, some fruit if you want to be healthy, champagne-"

He stops and looks at you, then you both start to laugh. There was just a light, joyful mood in the air, and it was nice.

"Ice cream sounds perfect," you reply, sitting down.

Lin smiles, then opens his freezer.

That's when the trouble began.

Just as he's taking out the ice cream, there's a knock on the door.

Lin straightens his back, and looks at you.

"Are you expecting someone?", you ask.

He shakes his head, then walks over to the his door.

"Vanessa?" You freeze. "Are you okay?"

You stand up just as she marches into the room.

"You. I should've known you'd be here," she says angrily.

"Vee, what's wrong?", Lin asks, clearly as confused as you.

Vanessa turns to Lin. "You can't lie anymore. It's as clear as day that Y/N isn't just a 'friend'. It was obvious in 'Champagne' that neither of you were acting during the kissing part, but somehow you both convinced me that you were. And now." She pauses, exasperated. "I find out that you casted her as your wife in the play. That can't be a coincidence. You two quite noticeably like each other, and I- and you two- can't keep dancing around that fact."

You keep your eyes low. You couldn't look at Lin. You knew what he would say. You knew he would desperately try and convince her that he felt nothing for you- that you were just a friend. And you knew that you would have to do the same to save their relationship.

But then suddenly Vanessa turns to you, finger pointing accusingly. "And this is all your fault."

"M-my fault?", you stutter in surprise.

"Yes, your fault. You knew that Lin was dating me, yet didn't feel even the slightest bit of guilt that you were constantly hanging out with him. Not to mention that you didn't even care that you openly made out with him in front of an audience- not even acting anymore. And now, because of you-" She takes a step closer to you, and you take a step back. "Lin doesn't like me. You know, you're not at all like he described you. You're selfish, uncaring, sabotaging, and-"

"Stop, Vanessa."

You look at Lin, shocked that he would stand up to his girlfriend for you. You really couldn't stand up for yourself- not in that moment.

Vanessa looked at Lin again. "I can't believe this," she says. "I'm not the bully; I'm the victim." She pauses to catch her breath. "Listen, Lin, I still care about you. But I need to know, without a doubt, that you don't like someone else while we're dating. So you have to choose."

Lin's lips part in surprise.

"Either me or Y/N."

No. You knew what was going to happen. You didn't want to be a part of this. You just wanted to turn invisible and leave.

Lin looks tired and desperate, and for a moment, you lock eyes.

You look away.

"Vanessa, why are you making me-"

"Just choose."

"I don't want to."

"If you don't, I'm going to break up with you."

Lin ran a hand through his hair, a movement that set loose a million butterflies in your stomach.

"Fine, I pick you, Vanessa. You're my girlfriend."

The blood drains from your face as Vanessa smiles in satisfaction. You will never be satisfied without Lin, and this decision meant that could never be together.

But you knew he would pick her. So why were you upset?

Because you liked Lin just as much as Vanessa did. And he picked her over you.

She hugs Lin. "Thank you."

He weakly hugs her back, and you quickly and awkwardly mutter, "Okay, I'll just go," then hurry to Lin's door, where you leave out of without another word.

When you get home, you throw yourself on your bed.

It was official. You and Lin weren't meant to be together. Every time there was even the slightest chance, something happened that caused it to disappear or go terribly wrong.

What you wanted was to stop liking Lin. You wanted to just get over him and move on. But you knew you couldn't. Lin was too amazing, and you liked him way too much to just let him go.

Trying to keep the water in your eyes, you grab a blank notebook and begin to write a song called "Satisfied."