Attention (Jamilton)

Part 3: Panic Attacks

!!TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE!!

Alex's POV

There is no way that I have kept up with some guy I met at a party for half a year for it to be Jefferson. I leave anyways. I don't care who it is anymore, if Jefferson is going to stalk me out of his "romantic feelings," I don't want to go anywhere. I pull out my phone, unsure what to type. Should I ask if it's Jefferson? Should I tell him that I decided to leave? 

LiterallyNonStop: Jefferson?

Mac&Cheese.Com: ...Yes?

LiterallyNonStop: Fuck you. 

"What did I do?" He shouts from behind me. Rage surges through my veins, filling my entire body. 

"What did you do?" I shout. "NEED WE REFERENCE EVERY DAY SINCE THE START OF SIXTH GRADE OR IS THAT OVERUSED?" I'm screaming now. Why can't he just leave me be?

"How many times do I have to apologize?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't matter?" 

And then I start sobbing. No reason, no explanation, just bone wracking sobs that put me on the ground. I have bits of flashbacks. I see my mother take a breath. She was out of bed. I see a hand, I think it belongs to my father, come crashing down and almost hit me before I see my cousin's corpse hanging from the ceiling and the horror hits me all over again. I see bits of a busy street, I see someone buying sugar- I think it's sugar. Someone calling my name.

"Hamilton? Alexander?" 

It could be my mother, but that's not what I see and then suddenly I'm back in the storm, cold water hits my face and I see all the people that I couldn't help floating, all over the place and my brother is gone...

"Hamilton!" 

I snap awake. I don't know where I am, my face is wet, my hoodie is missing, and I don't know what time it is.

"Are you okay?" The voice is familiar, but I can't place it. 

"I'm fine, dad." I mumble. No, that's wrong. It's not my dad, he wouldn't ever ask if I was okay. 

"I can't take advantage of you. I'm not your dad, and I'm pretty sure I'm not your friend either." It's...it's... I can't think straight. 

"Am I in heaven? Is that my cousin?" I start rambling thoughts out loud.

"You aren't heaven, sweets." Then it comes to me. Only one person I know has an accent that southern. 

"Jefferson?" 

"Yes?"

"The hell am I?" 

There is a moment of silence. "We're at my house." He says. 

"We're what?" I ask, still in a half daze. 

"What was I supposed to do? We were fighting, and then you started crying, and then you just blacked out!" He defends.

"Why is my face wet?" I ask, changing the subject as I am too tired for another fight. 

"I splashed cold water on you to try and wake you up. I kept calling your name but you never opened your eyes and you kept crying." He says, his voice unsteady. That explains the storm flashback, I think.

"How long have I been here?" I ask.

"I took you here about five minutes after you had your... incident. We've been here for about an hour."

"They're called panic attacks, Jefferson." I kind of spit out his name. I roll over and rub my eyes before opening them. "Sorry." I mumble. 

"I deserve it." He says.

"No. You...what you just did, helping me out of that attack? That could've gone on for hours. The Jefferson I've known my whole life would've just left me there, happy that he did that to me. You really did change." I say. 

"Your eyes are blue." He says. 

"Wow, thanks. That's what I get for-" He cuts me off.

"No, seriously. Your eyes, I thought they were brown?" 

"They are." I say.

"No, they're not!" He says. "Here," he pulls out his phone, "Look."

He takes a picture of my eyes and shows it to me. Sure enough, they are blue.

"But what does it mean? Your eyes are the same way." I say. 

"I don't know." He says. I pull out my phone and start texting Eliza. She's been one of my best friends since seventh grade.

LiterallyNonStop: Hey, what does it mean when your eyes turn blue?

LoveMeOrBurn: I dunno. Lemme ask my dad, be right back.

LoveMeOrBurn: Okay, dad says it means that you've met your soulmate. Why do you ask ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

LiterallyNonStop: No reason! Thanks!

"She says it means you've met your soulmate." I tell Jefferson. 

"I'm your what?" He asks.

"Excuse me?" I say, taken aback. "Were you listening?"

"Yeah, sorry." He runs his fingers through his hair. I notice myself start to blush, and I can't stop it before he looks back at me. "Something you want to tell me, Alex?" he says, leaning slightly towards me. I blush harder.

"Umm, no?" I say it like a question. 

"Are you sure?" He purrs, leaning closer. 

Our faces aren't even inches apart. 

I'm so sorry for not having this up yesterday! Apparently we had to go out of town and I didn't know, and we didn't get back until late at night. On another note, I am proud to announce that today I will be releasing the first part of a Hamliza fanfic that will be uploaded weekly on Fridays. Love you guys, and thank you so much for reading!