I hope when I am old I can look back on my life and say that I tried my best. I hope that I can accept this and that I can believe wholeheartedly that I did good. I so desperately want my life to count, to help people, and to experience all that I can. As simplistic as this all sounds, I feel as though this moment in my far future may never happen.
I used to know what to do in nearly any situation. Everything was so black and white, right and wrong. I had no hesitations. As I've gotten older, life has not just gotten gray. I have as well. I am the most middle toned gray ever. Like the most bland and blurry gray. I don't know what is right a lot of the time and my thoughts are easily swayed from one side to the next. I can't see myself as good or bad. I am gray just as this world has become.
I constantly work to hold onto my morality and to do good yet it is so profoundly hard to find this perfect form of good in reality let alone myself. But even though I have succumbed to a dirty dish water gray I try. I try to be lighter and to held more than hurt though I am a messy little thing. All of these colors just can't help but to blend.
So as my physical body grays I wish that maybe my grayness may fade and I can find the light I so effortlessly held in the past.
YOU ARE READING
Open-Ended: Letters to Myself and the World
PoetryThese are simply scribbles of thoughts or ideas that just bubble up. Much is unedited and meant to allow for the words to set in as they are meant to for each reader.
