When December ends

December 5

Smoke weed  was silent , she wasn't even smoking . Aisha was holding a book , acting like if she was reading but she obviously wasn't . The atmosphere in the room was morbid , horrible . Kamil's ghost was haunting us . Her scent was devastating the room  . Her still undone bed showed how much her death was recent . I stared at her luggage for a minute , feeling so sad i couldn't help her . The guilt was ravaging me. I couldn't eat or speak since yesterday's adventure . I feel numb , emotionally and physically as well .  

I'm glad i found a way to go back to my room . I would be probably frozen by now if Esté didn't slam that door behind him , as he left with Amy .

Esté . Just thinking of him increases  my remorse . I can't believe he sacrificed himself for me . The way he puhed me in the snow hole and the way he let Amy scream at him  was still playing vividly in my brain .

"Rach..." Smoke weed started slowly . I looked at her.

"We have a course now i think we should go." she finished.

"i don't want to." i uttered , irritated. Go to study normally , continue living normally after what happened?

"They would suspect something if you don't come since you are...you were close to Kamil." she  replied nervously . Helping people was'nt her thing ,she made an effort  but i  honestly wasn't in the mood of.

"you can get in trouble." Aisha agreed. I looked at both of them and stood up , following them through the corridors silently.

As we passed near the principal's office , i noticed that she was shouting but i couldn't hear the sentences clearly.

Esté was probably there , paying for me.

Guilt was throbbing  my insides.  I was boiling , literally . I had a huge lump in my troath and every heartbeat  was terribly  painful  , like if i shouldn't be alive by now .  I can't stand this ,I don't want to suffer for the rest of my existence  because of this. Esté is already in so much trouble . They will probably send him to prison for life , because of me . I will be the reason of his death ? I will be the reason of the death of two persons , really?

I suddenly turned and walked back to the door.

"Rach what are you doing?" I heard Smoke weed shout before i entered in the room , finding Esté sitting in the corner of the room . He looked devastated .

"Yes?" the principal glared at me.

"Esté did nothing." i started , courageously . Esté stood up , his jaw dropped.

"What did you just say miss?"

"I witnessed Kamil's death and i'm her close friend , i can give you the exact reason of her death and what happened exactly." i uttered in a neutral tone , without looking at Esté.

"Have a sit....Dhamista right?" The principal replied , obviously interested .

I nodded nervously and sat.

"Go ahead. Tell me everything."

"Kamil and i were close friends , so i can tell you that she was pretty depressed since she came here . She mentionned to me how sad she was many times , insinuating suicide but it never alarmed me. Yesterday , the last time we spoke intrigued me. The way she told me good night and the way she said i'm leaving soon. I heard her wake up in the middle of the night and walk out. I decided to follow her . To leave the house , she had to use the door that was from the boy's side . It really shocked me to see her walk there since it is forbidden so i decided to follow her . The reason i didn't  call my tutor Amy was because Kamil was running too fast , she looked determined . I  had to follow her to see where she was going. She walked towards the fence , and ... it happened." i said it straight , without taking time to breathe.