Only Annie | Eric Coulter

14 - At My Weakest

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"Under these lights, looking 'round for you.

When you're by my side,

Everything's alright."

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| | A N N I E

We're back in our apartment, curtains drawn and lights flickering down low. Seeing Jordan give up just like that, leaving us with only that short note is terrifying. It caused us to drown in the silence of our own thoughts, placed a burden on our shoulders.

And we just came from shopping for a party.

Sierra has calmed down from her screaming just recently. It's like she understood what's happening, like she knew her father just died and she had no one else. Eric is seated beside me, the baby cradled in his arms, his shoulder supporting my head.

It will take a miracle for us to show up at Max's tonight.

"We were too late." Eric says quietly, gently shuffling Sierra to a more comfortable position. I move my head and crane my neck to stare at him. His eyes are narrowed. "What if we arrived sooner? What if we chose to go down to his apartment before buying that stupid suit and--"

"He's been dead for a day, Eric." I interrupt softly, knowing that the guilt is eating him alive and making him feel like it's his fault. "Even if we went there first, he would've been gone. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

Silence ticks like a bomb. Slowly, I reach out and massage Sierra's tiny head with the tips of my fingers. "It's going to be alright."

His heart is heavy for the baby. The innocent child is alone and he feels like it's him who took her away. Eric is compassionate and kind, and sadly, he wants to keep that secret to himself. He allows the others to think he's some kind of unfeeling asshole.

A beeping sound reaches our ears, interrupting the silence, and both Eric and I sigh dejectedly. Carefully, he hands Sierra to me and rolls his sleeve up, pressing his finger on his watch. It lights up and soon shows Max's tired face.

Seems like we aren't the only ones who are stressed.

Eric gets up and leaves, walking off to the kitchen. I know what their conversation would be about, it's blatantly obvious. I reach out and smooth Sierra's bundle of baby hair back.

Waiting for Eric to emerge back feels like eternity. I'm anxious of the result of their exchange, remembering the way Max's eyes filled with anger when he saw Jordan hanging by his neck. 

"He says we have to go to the party."

It's ironic that Eric's tone is sad and tired since just three hours ago, he would've been happy, excited even, to go to Max's wedding anniversary. We've been looking for some alone time, have fun and drink and dance, but that seems impossible now.

Not with Jordan dead, not without leaving Sierra alone.

"He's pissed, isn't he?" I ask even if I know the answer. Eric knows I do, too. He walks over and presses a kiss on my forehead. 

"Let's change and attend that stupid party."

...    

I'm left alone with Heather, Max's wife, as Eric walks away towards the other Dauntless leaders. I can't help but make the desperate gaze that follows Eric's figure as he disappears into a sharp corner, my lips pursed in an awkward frown.