Lacrosse

25- Leaving and Believing

Kendall

I don't sleep for the rest of the night. I just turn my back on Josh and stare at the grayish blue paint on his walls.

And I think. I think about what has happened since Wednesday. Wow. It was just Wednesday that we found out about the scrimmage. It was just Thursday that I was threatened after practice. It was just Friday that I fixed the hole in the middle of the field with Josh. And it was just over twelve hours ago that I was raped for the sake of being able to win a lacrosse scrimmage. It was just an hour or so ago that Josh's mom said those hateful things to me, and when Josh kissed me.

That kiss. It wasn't just a kiss. It was forceful and unrequited, like the ones that lead to what happened it the equipment room.

That's exactly what it was. It was just like my attack. It brought back the images that our kiss at the field had hidden away of the inside of the equipment room. It gave me the same feeling I got when I was shoved to the ground, touched and belittled.

I'm not sure what time it is when I slip out from underneath the soft covers of the queen sized bed. I crawl to the foot of the bed and hop onto the floor, landing with a quiet smack of my feet against the wood. I tip toe over to the dresser on the other side of the room, pulling my phone out of the miniature duffle bag I packed my stuff in. I see that it is 6:45 and I know that Destiny will already be awake, about to begin her morning run.

I open up my ongoing conversation with my best friend and type up a new message, sending it before I can change my mind. Destiny replies a mere minute after the text is delivered, telling me that she's on her way over and will be in the driveway in fifteen minutes.

I begin to toss my dirty clothes in to the duffel bag and put on a pair of socks. I lean my hand on the polished wood surface of the dresser and let it hold me up as I slide my feet in to my old pair of high top white Converse, now more of a dishwater color. As I begin to put on my second shoe, I stumble a little and end up knocking my hair brush on to the ground. It makes a loud crashing noise that seems to echo off the floor and bounce off the walls. I stop dead in my tracks, looking over to Josh to see if he woke up because of the noise. He stirs slightly, but his eyes remain closed. I breathe out a sigh of relief. This will be easier if he's not awake. He won't try to stop me from leaving.

I quickly finish putting my shoe on and slip the old iPhone that Josh gave me as a birthday present Sophomore year in to the rolled over front part of my sweat pant pajama bottoms before beginning to walk out of the room.

Helpful hint to anyone who tries to sneak out of a room with wooden floors without being heard, it doesn't work.

My foot hits a creaky floorboard almost immediately after I begin my way out of the room. I hear Josh turn over in the bed and I can practically feel it when his eyes land on me, halfway out of the room.

"Where are you going?" he asks groggily, yawning at the end.

"Destiny's picking me up in five minutes. I'm staying with her and Rachel tonight and will be back home with my parents tomorrow night," I reply, turning around so I'm facing him. His hair sticks up in different directions and dark circles are under his eyes.

"Wait, why?"

"You know why," I reply, the words coming out harsher than I intended them to. He slips out from underneath the comforter, exposing his green flannel pajama pants and white tank top with the sides cut out, and walks towards me.

"Was it my mom? Don't listen to her. She's just a bitch," he says, putting his hand around my wrist and pulling me away from the doorway.

"It wasn't your mom. Well, it kind of was, but not really."