Locked Away

Scream and Shout

By: Afsana Rahman

I want to scream and shout

And let it all out

The sadness inside, too hard to bear

The hole in my chest where my heart used to be

The hole in my head where my brain used to be

And now I'm heartless and clueless

With nothing but a secret

A secret unmentionable to the world ahead

A secret that changed my life

When I turned 13

He barged into my room

Alcohol scented, drunk like a beast

Moved closer to me, forehead creased

Undressed me like a Barbie doll

Plastic shell with a hollow core

I wanted to scream and shout

And let it all out

But he held my mouth shut like a piece of tape

The hot tears that scarred my skin

The mixed feeling that rushed my brain

He said "Enjoy your birthday gift.

It's the only one you'll get from now on."

And so he did.

Every year to come,

14, 15, 16, so on and so forth

So hard to forget.

And every time, it was more painful

This year I'm 18

Old enough to understand

Too much to bear

Cryful rights and

Sleepless nights

It's finally time to let go.

I scream and shout

And let it all out.

Slit the wrist, and wince from the pain

Dignity and self - respect I'll never gain

Closing the petals

And looking down

drying up and blacking out

And all I said was

"Dad"