Kill You Again

Chapter Eight

Ayesha used the drive to the apartment to call Mkhize and ask him about when she'd be able to interrogate the rapist on trial. Although she was focusing on the case at hand, a small part of her still worked on finding Tash. How could she not search for Tash? Every moment was important- it could be another moment of pain for Tash, and Ayesha wanted to cut those moments short as soon as she could. She wanted her sister back.

Mkhize answered just moments before Ayesha was going to end the call. She heard his gravelly voice shouting orders at someone before he spoke to her. She could imagine him, his greying hair slightly untidy, his suit absolutely neat, his phone pressed against his chest, looking serious as he designated duties to an officer.

"Ayesha? Hello?"
Mkhize was always sounded hoarse over the phone, like he had just been coughing.

"Hey. How are you?"
"I'm thinking about retiring early- these new recruits are the dumbest lot yet."
Ayesha chuckled, and noticed Lockwood glancing at her strangely. She wanted to tell him to focus on the road.

"You miss me, don't you?" she asked, playfully.

"You were competent enough, I suppose." 

Ayesha laughed again, and even to her own ears it sounded slightly forced. She loved talking to Mkhize, but she didn't have the patience for banter when it came to anything related to her sister's case.

Mkhize knew what Ayesha called about, but they still joked around for a while longer. Finally, after all the niceties were over, Ayesha asked him.

"When can I meet this guy?"

Mkhize was silent for a moment, and Lockwood waved his arm to get Ayesha's attention,

"Mkhize?" Lockwood asked softly. Ayesha nodded and frowned when he smiled weirdly.

Finally, Mkhize spoke.

"Are you sure you wanna do this, Ayesha? The last time really was too much. If you lose your temper like that again-"

"I won't. I promise. And besides, I'll have Lockwood with me. If you don't trust me, I trust him to stop me from doing anything stupid."

Lockwood reached out to squeeze her knee, a silent assurance that he would be there with her. She smiled at him.

"Okay. They're changing the date of the trial. So I'll call you when I know about the transport schedule, kay?"

"Thanks, Mkhize."

"You call me, okay? Just to talk. I miss you, kid." She could hear the concern and care in his voice, and for some reason it made her sad. She missed Mkhize. In fact, she missed a lot of people in her life. She missed her parents, she missed her friends...she missed Tash. It was an odd, painful feeling, and Ayesha suddenly realised how disconnected from the world she had been for the past few years. A few years ago, Ayesha's world had been full of colour and loud noises, but now, it was as silent and desolate as snow covered lands, with no warmth in sight.

"I will. Bye." She cut the call quickly, not wanting to hear the care in his voice anymore- she was starting to feel too emotional, and that was dangerous. Ayesha's emotions didn't come in little drops anymore, no, they came in floods. Floods that engulfed her entire world, forcing her into cold, dark depths that she couldn't swim out of. The glimmer of light above always felt too far away. That is why she learned to keep them hidden, suppressed- she created a dam to keep them at bay. But sometimes she felt that dam cracking, straining to keep in the torrents, and that scared her. She was afraid of the floods. She was afraid that the next time, she would drown.