Is it horrible how much my heart is aching to hear this fucking album? It's out there! YOUNGBLOOD is finally here! And living in Hawaii means it's here six hours early.
The album has been out for about an hour now. I am struggling to at least wait until midnight. I keep having this vision that if I wait, I'll thank myself in future years for waiting until it was officially June 15th to listen to it. My birthday.
I'm trying, but I can't focus on anything long enough to distract myself. I have been feeling horrible for even considering giving in and listening to this damn album already. I just don't want to let myself down.
Ever since they announced that the released date got pushed up, to my birthday, I just felt like this had to be something special. I had to listen to this for the first time on my birthday. I wanted to remember it being special. I had to make it special.
But does it really matter if I listen to it now? Here, in my room? This is where I listened to Sounds Good Feels Good for the first time. That album's release date is also special to me. I listened to it early. I never waited until midnight. And that album still means the world to me.
I don't know if I can do this. I don't think my anxiety is worth it. I want to listen to this album, knowing I won't have such high expectations because I waited a few hours. I know this album is special. It will always be special. And we will always have the same birthday (:
I don't need to make this big deal about how or when I listen to this record. I just want it to be me and them. I don't want anything else to matter.
So, with a slightly remorseful heart, I think I am going to finally listen to this album.
-C.J.
YOU ARE READING
I'm still here
Non-FictionThis is where my heart lives. This is what consumes the inside of my skull and bones. My life, my thoughts. Instead of stuffing it in the only crevices that give me light, I will just toss it here. On the ground. Where I'm standing. Because I'm stil...
