Camila's POV
“I’m sorry it has to be this way. Bye Camila.” I flinched because of her words, it had been a while since she had used my whole first name. Actually I couldn’t remember the last time she did. She used to call me Mila, but I guess that won’t happen anymore. The sound of my name leaving her lips was the way she hooked me in, I was only fourteen at the time and if I knew, I would have never told her my name.
I looked at her as I let her walk away. I needed her out of my life. She was my drug and I needed to quit my addiction. I knew she would never love me, that for now I was just who she called to whenever she couldn’t find anyone better. It would never be anything more like I hope it would be. Everything I imagine with the dates, the kisses, and all the times we would hang out would never mean as much to her as it would to me. I had always told myself to stop but when I saw her name light up my phone, it would automatically bring a smile to my face. This wasn’t healthy, not for me. My friends told me to get over her but I never listened to them. They all knew I liked her but they never knew that somewhere in all these years that had turned into something more and I was deeply in love with her. Her brown eyes, her perfect smile, her long dark hair, her laugh, her sense of humor, her intelligence, her kindness, her perfect ways. Although she was anything but perfect, except in my head. She had commitment issues, she never lasted in any relationship longer than a month. It was if she would go into someones life to ruin it on purpose. As if it brought some sick pleasure in her sadistic ways. She was complicated yet simple, she was nice yet cruel, she was brilliant yet foolish, she was a walking paradox.
As I watched her walk away from me, my heart was broken into a million pieces and I felt it hurting like it was about to explode but this was the final piece. It was the closure I needed, to finally get over her. It was a simple question and her answer failed. It was proof that she saw this going no where and found it to be the piece that was missing for me to finally be done. She had hurt me times before but they were never as bad as it was now.
She was my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. I would have given her everything if that is what she wanted and she wanted it but not from me. She had others, she could use. She had others where she saw that relationship going further, even though it never did. At first I thought that maybe I could help her but now I know that she doesn’t want to see how wrong she was. She was destined to live an ill-fated life until she herself realized that she is living the wrong life. She hurts the ones that love her, and loves the ones who hurt her. I wasn’t trying to change her, I loved the way she was, except I wanted her to help herself and I was foolish to think that she would want to.
I think the biggest problem wasn’t her actually, the biggest problem was myself. I wanted for her to tell me she loved me. I wanted her to give me what I knew she would never give and that was her heart and soul. I was trying to help her but what I really needed was to help myself. I was being just like her without realizing it. I was her in a completely different way, but in the same way. I was just as broken as her, maybe even more.
I was a mess by time I realized. That my mind needed to take over and realize what ever my heart thought was completely wrong. I had tried many times before but it never seemed to work. I had tried to ignore her, avoid her, but it never seemed to work. As soon as I saw her again my heart would begin to beat out of control and I would be back to square one. This time it was different though, this time I was sure she would stay away from me. I wasn’t just losing a crush but also one of my best friends.
Thats how it started. I was fourteen and beginning eighth grade. As soon as she walked into the classroom the first day back to school all heads turned and it wasn’t because it was a new student to this small school. I had never seen someone as beautiful as her. She sat next to me and my thoughts began to scream at her, to say something. I just couldn’t. I felt like every word that could come out of my mouth wasn’t worth her time and maybe that was the first step into destruction. I turned to look at her and she smiled and introduced herself and so I told her my name.
“Camila.” She repeated and I don’t think I have ever enjoyed hearing my name as much as I liked it coming from her lips. After that things begin to flow easily and she was a person who had no trouble making friends. She became popular fast but she always managed to make me feel special. I was shy and so we didn’t talk much out of class. She began dating guys both at our school and others schools but I never worried because they never lasted. I didn’t ask much about them because I could never keep up and maybe thats what she liked about me. Sophomore year we began to hang out more outside of school. It was Christmas break when it started. I remember I was home alone because my parents had gone to my grandma’s house. She came crying, and I asked her what was wrong and apparently she had broken up with the guy who she thought was ‘the one’ but it was just because it was the first relationship where he had broken up with her.
“Why are guys such jerks?” She said. I shrugged.
“I don’t have much experience with them, how am I suppose to know.”
“Why am I talking to you about this, you’re gay.” She said as tears kept falling down. It hurt me to see her this way. “Sometimes I wish I could be too, it would make things easier.”
“Yeah, me too.” I mumbled.
“What?” She looked at me and I realized I had said it out loud. My eyes grew wide and I struggled to find the words to say but before I could get a word out, I felt her lips on mine. It had been my first kiss. We kept kissing and we didn’t stop till my parents came home. She asked if she could sleep over and my parents always like her so it was never a problem, oh if only they knew. We didn’t talk about it and that was probably the second sign.
I wasn’t sure what it was but I liked it a lot. The third sign was when she got another boyfriend and it left me heartbroken but I didn’t say anything. The kissing stopped because after all she had morals and that was one thing, she didn’t cheat. After that she would make out with me whenever she didn’t have a boyfriend. I was the one who she would use and at first I didn’t mind because at least it was something. I always hoped that she would slowly develop feelings for me if I continued to go along with it but after a year I realized that it wasn’t going to happen.
That is why today, I made her choose. I wasn’t going to be a toy she could use whenever she was bored. So the question drew and I asked her.
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” To her it was a complete turn off. She didn’t want a relationship with me. Now the halls were getting filled by students and she became lost in the crowed.
This was it and I was thankful, to have the one and only Ariana Grande out of my life.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
“Hey Camila, you alright?” I guess I had been staring for too long. I turned and faced Dinah.
“Yeah, I’m alright. I think I should just head to class.”
“That bad?” I nodded my head. “Alright, we’ll talk during third period.” She said. I began to walk to class not really paying attention. I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Excuse me, can you help me find my way?” I turned to look at two beautiful green eyes. I nodded my head.
“I’m Lauren by the way.” She said with a smile extending her hand. I felt my heart beating out of my chest.
“Camila.” I say taking a hold and feeling butterflies fill my stomach.
“Camila.” She repeated. Oh shit not again.
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Thanks to those that continue to read my work. This story now has a thousand reads and I now have 300 followers so thank you for those who read this and follow me. It means a lot that you guys enjoy the stories that I write. -S
