BENEATH THE SMILE

Chapter 10- The Pain sets in

Caroline took me home and stayed with me the whole night.
She could not leave, after what I had gone through. She stayed with, me in that state.

I was lucky to have such a friend by my side. I didn't say a word after we left the lounge, neither did she. She probably figured that if she had said anything she would make things worse, so she remained silent.

Caroline told Rose what had happened and she agreed to let her stay over, she understood her close we were.
Beside me, in the bed, lay Caroline, dead silent but awake. After long hours of staring at the ceiling, not knowing what to say or think, we managed to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, Caroline wasn't with me, but her phone and wallet were still on my reading table. She must be in the kitchen grabbing something to eat.
I thought. My eyes were sore from crying, my head hurt so bad. Every inch of my body hurt. The pain was too much to bear.

Jenny you can't sit here and waste your life. Be a strong woman, get out of bed, take a shower and read a novel, or listen to music.
I tried to convince myself that I was better off without him, that I was gonna make it even though he was gone.

I decide to go and take a shower. The phone rang before I could open the door to the bathroom.
"Ah come on," I complained, but went to check. It was him.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to pick up, I wanted to smash the phone. Part of me wanted to be with him, and part of me wanted to rip him apart. I was in pandemonium. I finally decided to pick up, I was tired of all the lies, I needed to hear what he had to say.

"Hello."

"Hey sweetheart. How's your day?"he asked, guilt lingered in his voice.

"Paul, cut the drama. I saw you, I saw you last night. I was there. I saw you kissing her," I said with a shaky voice.

"Oh," he replied in shock. "Well, let's settle this for good."

"I am sorry Jenny but...."

He paused.

"What I'm about to say is gonna hurt. I cannot lie to you anymore, I still love Pearl."

He continued. "When I came to you, I desperately needed someone to comfort me. I was broken and I thought that getting another girl would make me forget about Pearl. But I failed. I was unable to reject her apology, let alone tell her that I had someone else. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the love of my life, and I decided that she was the one I needed. So we are now back together. I'm terribly sorry, I never meant to hurt you.
I shouldn't have texted you in the first place. I hate to say this but we're done."

My throat went very dry, burning with the tears I had held back while he was talking. When he finished, I let go, I let them flow.
I had nothing to say. I just ended the call, I had heard enough.

At that moment, I fel hopeless, I felt helpless, I felt stupid. I hated myself, I wanted to die.

How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I see this coming? It's all my fault, I easily got carried away. That piece of shit lied to me. I thought, amidst tears.

My eyes landed on the vase of flowers that sat on the table and I ran for it. I picked it up and tossed it to the wall, and it crashed, followed by a loud scream. "Noooooo...."
I was now sobbing loudly, and wildly. "How could he do this to me?" I cried.

My world was crumbling down. My poor heart, that I had taken good care of for a long time by refusing to date any again, had just gone back where it had been ten months ago.

"Lord why?" I fell on the floor and died. Yes I died. Everything I thought I had with Paul was no more, I had no reason to live.
My flanged open, Rose and Caroline appeared in the doorway.

"My God! Jen, What did you do?" Rose asked.

"Oh no!" Caroline said.

Caroline came and wrapped her arms around me as Rose went to pick up the broken pieces of the vase.

"So this is what you're gonna do every time you get hurt," Rose scoffed as she gathered the pieces of glass into a dust pad.

"Rose please," Caroline begged her to stop. My sister remained silent as she picked the last pieces and left the room without a word when she was done.

When I was alone with Caroline, I told her what Paul had just told me. "He used me Carol, he used me." I cried. "That son of a bitch is till in love with Pearl."

"It's okay love, it's okay," she said. "You'll find a better person, someone who truly loves you and respects you."

I cried till I couldn't cry no more. I had a terrible headache, I lay on my bed and fell to sleep. Caroline was there, she never left.