Eclipse

11.

Pessimist

The silence that lay stagnant in the car between me and Kieran was stifling as his drove back to his apartment, each of us with different problems of our own. Mine? That the next few years—or days, even, I had no idea—would be absolute hell. His? Hell was literally going to open its gates and the world was going to end. At least that's what he told me, but I still didn't have a decent understanding of what was going on. Sure, my priorities were fucked up and I was being downright selfish, but aren't we all? I rested my forehead against the window as I watched the cars and buildings and lights blur into a single streak through my lashes.

"Meg?" Kieran suddenly spoke.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this... thing. This is a Nephilim thing and it's screwing your life over too."

"Mph." I shrugged indifferently, beyond caring about apologies. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. My life was probably destined to be horrible. I could see it, one of the Fates, or God, or whoever, writing out my name in perfect handwriting with the words 'give her hell' next to it.

Kieran exhaled heavily. "Will you just... quit it?"

"Quit what?"

"Quit... just... you're just nitpicking, you realise? You're always focusing on the negatives, and never once on what you have, so just... quit it alright? Just..." Kieran broke off with a frustrated sigh as he gave up on how to express the turmoil in his head.

My jaw stiffened and I firmly looked away. He was right. He always was. I knew he was right, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit, especially with this unusual emptiness within in me where my wolf normally lay curled up. God only knew when she would wake up.

"Megan?"

"Just leave me alone," I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut, tightly enough to create a firework display of green and orange spots.

I heard Kieran sigh in frustration and felt the car speed up slightly, the engine's our increasing in volume by a fraction. I just hoped his anger at me wouldn't end up crashing the car. Well, wouldn't that make your day, Megs? Wow, your life really is pathetic.

I left my head against the pane of glass and silently waited for us to return, but it was only once we'd arrived at Kieran's apartment was I aware of the trickle of tears that had seeped from my closed lids. I hastily wiped the away with my sleeve, not wanting Kieran to see further proof of my uselessness, but there was no point, what with the bloodshot eyes.

I swallowed down the large lump in my throat uncomfortably when he shot me a disgusted glare, and meekly followed him up to his apartment. Kieran emanated hurt all the way, even once we were past his door.

The moment he slammed the door shut behind me, he muttered, "I need a shower," and stalked off to the bathroom.

I glared tearily at the door before heading towards the kitchen, where I slumped over the counter and traced patterns on the cold marble, which misted over with my breath. Soon I realised that I was writing words with the tip of my fingernail, the same ones, over and over. Lupi. Nephilim. Fallen. Angel. Larentia. Over and over, I wrote those words as I went over—yet agin—everything that had happened, and the very thought brought a fresh batch of tears close to surfacing. My wolf was what I used to vent my frustration, my grief, my anger, and I would soon lose her. I'd finally be alone. Even when I lost Leo, I had my wolf to run through the forests with, but now... even the effect of Akonit made me feel and empty and hollow.

Get used to it, Megs. Soon, you'll be this hunk of pathetic for the rest of your life. Hope you have fun...

I stuffed away the rising emotions into a faraway box in the corner of the attic in my head, and sat up, turning my attention to the stack of papers that Kieran had left on the counter when we'd been going over his compiled information. I picked up the top page, a typed sheet of paper annotated and written over with Kieran's tiny and untidy scrawl.