I'm Lost Without You [n.h.]

Part Five

I was sitting at Starbucks the next morning. I stared at my phone screen. At Niall's latest tweet. I should’ve been at the concert last night. He tweeted that the concert was amazing and he really enjoyed it.

He had forgotten me. But as long as he was happy, I was fine.

But how could I forget him while everything always remind me of him? How could I forget him when he was all I think about? How could I forget him when I was still in love with him?

My hands were shaking. My tears started falling down my cheeks again.

Suddenly, I heard someone called my name. I immediately brushed my tears away then I looked up. I saw my best friend looked down at me. She looked worried and confused.

"When did you come back from LA? I thought you were coming back next week," she said as she sat on the couch in front of me. She stared at me for a moment. "Are you crying?"

"No, no, I just-"

"What's going on? Tell me. I know there's something wrong with you."

She was my best friend. She and I were friends since we were babies. She knew me so well more than anyone. There was no point I kept a secret from her.

Then I told her everything.

***

I cried on her shoulder. I had told her everything.

She didn't talk anything when I was telling her. I cried before I finished the last part of my story. She moved next to me then hugged me. She said I didn't have to finish my story because she knew what happened next.

"Just cry. Everything is always better after you cry," she said.

I wiped my tears away. "I'm getting better now."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded even though I knew I was not.

She mumbled. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded again.

She looked doubt but then she talked. "Are you sure with your decision?"

I was silent for a few seconds, then I shrugged. "I think it's the best decision."

"The best for who?"

"For everyone."

She sighed. "When you're mad at someone you love, be careful what you say because your mind gets angry, but your heart still cares."

I froze. No one between us talked after that. And those memories were playing again in my head.

"I’m tired...” I broke the silence. “Love cause pain..."

"No, love doesn't cause pain, people do." She gave me some tissues.

"But I'm sick..."

"Of what?"

"Everything!" I sobbed. "Especially being away from him for weeks... He rarely replied to my texts or bbms... And seeing those photos of him hugging and kissing his fans... I can't..."

She sighed. "Jealousy has blinded your heart, darling. I know long distance relationship isn’t easy, and even your boyfriend is one of the famous good looking boys in the world now. Trust me, I know what you feel."

I was silent.

“But,” she continued. “Relationship is not always about stay being on contact, it’s also about how to put and maintain your trust in distance.”

I gritted my teeth. "I let him go it doesn't mean I stop caring, it just because I stop trying to force him to."

"You mean he doesn't care about you anymore?" she asked.

"No, I just-" I closed my face with my hands because I couldn't stop my tears. "I don't know... I'm so confused...”

“When you’re really lost, shouldn’t you listen to your heart?”

I stopped crying, looked at her, and sighed. “I can’t. My heart has broken. I'm hurt.”

“Don’t ever crossed in your mind that he’s hurt too?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him? He’s your childhood friend, isn’t he?”

She exhaled heavily as she put her arm on my shoulders. "Do you still love him?"

I froze for a moment. “I... I...” Then my tears started falling down again. "I can’t imagine the day I won’t...”

"Do you miss him?"

I was silent. I wiped my tears. Niall was pictured in my head and then I smiled. "I miss his eyes. His laugh. His smile. His kiss. His hug. Our stupid conversations until late night. Those good times we did together... I miss him already."

"You know what? Your eyes are so bright when you're talking about him," she said.

I turned my head and saw she smirked at me.

"You love him. You really do." She held my hands to convince me. “You must realise what’s important to you before it’s too late.”

I stared at her. I couldn’t say anything. My tears were rolling slowly down my cheeks.

She smiled. "A man who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.”

I hugged her. My tears were running down profusely. She hugged me back.

"If you love somebody, let them go,” she said. “If they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were."

***

(to be continued)