Laying on my bed i stare up at my ceiling. A white color, that stuff that people call 'popcorn', it's the same as always. The same white ceiling with the same white popcorn. Even though my ceiling is quite possibly the most boring thing in the world i cant look away. I find myself trying to count every littel bump, trying to give each one a name. All this dose is give me a reason to think even more. The exact thing im trying to avoid. Im pulled out of my trance of sorts by a knock on my door.
"What?" i say not really caring why the random person is knocking on my bedroom door. My door opens to show my brother standing just outside of my room.
"Dinners ready" he says and then makes a weird noise before i tell him to go away. I hate eating. Its so stupid. Why cant humans photosynthesize like plants. It would be so much easier. Food is werid to like when you think about where it came from..it's...just werid. Getting up i go to the kechen amd get a plate. I dont get much because.
1) im not that hungry
2) food is weird.
After i get done eating i go back to my room. 'Dinner was eventful' i think to myself. Not really to be honest. All my family did was insult most things. I hate it. I hate how they hate anyone who is going a mile under the speed limit, or any person who is trying to help them but their to pissed to see that. Most of all i hate myself. I hate the way no one can hear me always calling me 'miss.mousy' "because your voice is so small". I hate how my hair look's every day, how my body look's, how i say thing's. I just hate every thing. I cant do anything right. I know people get pissed because of it. I also know they just tolerate it. Looking back up at my ceiling i begin to count again.
"1..2..3..4..5" and so on. Soon i fall asleep. I dont dream of anything. Just a pich black dream. It wouldn't matter if i ever dreamed of anything good, knowing it would never come true.
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I know this is shit, but im trying.
