Who Would've Thought

Pain

        Throughout the night, or really very early Saturday morning, I got very little sleep. Every time I moved I was in pain, whether it be soreness from being raped or the raw and cut skin from washing myself too hard. I checked my phone to see several missed calls and text from Dean, Crowley, Garth, and Lucifer. I ignored them all and rolled over, trying to get more sleep. I closed my eyes with a sigh, realizing how it just wasn't going to work. My head pounded and my throat was absolutely killing me, and it eventually was enough to make me leave my bed. I went to the kitchen to grab a water and then to the bathroom to grab a bottle of painkillers, or two bottles. I'm not sure and I don't entirely care.
I staggered back to my bedroom before flopping on the bed, turning the tv on to some random movie before lying back down again. My phone vibrated violently near my head and I picked it up to answer, just to make the sound stop. "Hello", I said very hoarsely. If whoever it was could even hear me, it would be a miracle.
"Cas? You sound worse than I do. What the hell happened to you last night", Lucifer grumbled. I chocked back another sob and took a deep breath.
"It wasn't a good night let's leave it at that", I mumbled into my pillow.
"Well then you should go see Dean. Hang with him until Gabriel comes home. Seeing Dean always cheers you up right?" At this I couldn't contain the sob completely, causing tears to fall and a whimper to come out. "Shit Castiel, what's wrong? Are you alright man?"
"I'm fine. I'm tired and don't feel well so I'm going to bed. Night Luc", I choked out in a hurry. I hung up and turned my phone off before rolling onto my stomach to cry into my pillow. Everything just sucked and everything hurt. My head hurt from drinking and from Alastair pulling my hair. My lips hurt from his forced kissing that for some reason required teeth. My ass hurt from him raping me and my stomach hurt from the nauseating thought of being touched by Alastair. Not to mention how sore every inch of my skin was from scratching away in the shower last night to feel even remotely clean.
My face hurt from rubbing at my nose and and forcing tears away. My jaw hurt from Alastair kicking me and my sides hurt badly from that too. My throat was aching from all the worthless screaming and I didn't even care. The most painful thing was that Alastair forced me into, in lack of a better way of describing it, cheating on Dean. I sure as hell didn't it want it but it felt like cheating all the same. Dean didn't deserve it and I didn't want to do that to him, not ever. I never wanted to hurt Dean but when I tell him that's what will happen. He'll be hurt and I might even lose him from this and it's not something I can bare. Dean made everything else better, losing my home, being beaten, being ridiculed. None of it mattered because Dean could fix it. Now I might lose him all because of gross and filthy Alastair. The thought made me sick and if I had anything else to throw up, I would.
I turned my head to the other side and saw the bottles sitting on my dresser. Taking them wouldn't be smart, especially not with all the alcohol in my system or lack of food. Flashback from last night came to hit me again as well as the thought of losing Dean. Fuck it. I reached out and took four of each pills before turning back over to face the wall. I'd be fine. I've taken a lot worse and a lot more, although I usually hadn't been drinking and had food in me before hand. I felt the lack of good sleep pulling me and knew eventually the pills would pull me to sleep too or keep me asleep. Before I fully understood, I was being pulled into a deep sleep, filled with noting but black thanks to the pills.

What felt like a few hours later, I heard mumbling coming from around me. It took me a moment to realize it isn't mumbling, someone was talking but everything was too hazy for me to understand it. I tried to wake up but I felt trapped for some reason and all I could see was black. Suddenly someone was touching me, shaking me I think. I tensed up as some thoughts slowly drifted in, like the horrible ones of Alastair at the party. What if the hands on me now belonged to Alastair? I barely could comprehend that my whole body started shaking violently and the hands were gone, but I continued to shake. My body slowly calmed down and then I was back under the black again.