I Love You, You Love Her

Burning Bridges

Guilt.

That's how I always feel whenever he talked to me.

But then my heart flutters at the same time, his voice, with each smile.

I know I shouldn't feel this way. I should NEVER feel this way.

I tried stopping these feelings surfacing within my heart, but overtime he came to say 'hi', I couldn't help it.

All I could do is keep this and watch him from a distance and give him away to someone else.

'Cause we can never be, never will be.

And that is due to a lot of reasons, but only one sums it all.

My best friend likes him, a lot.

Never knew when, how, or even God knows why!

Maybe it was when I started talking to him, matchmaking him with my friend since she liked him for quite a long time.

Many told me what I was doing was somewhat dangerous, he may fall for me instead to her, or rather the other way around. Unfortunately, it happened.

I didn't listen to them, maybe this is my karma and it hurts like a b*tch.

Everytime I talk to him I end up hurting myself, and even hurting my friend.

I never confided this with anybody, but he started acting kinda weird after 3 months of knowing each other and it made me guiltier each time.

Never knew how he knew my schedule, stalks me at the library when he thinks I don't notice, and God that smile that makes him lose those chinky eyes everytime he talks to me.

I know it's wrong for me to feel this way, but maybe I should just let destiny work its way.

*
My daily study sessions in the library, him sitting beside me, starting up a conversation, one topic lead to another. Just like two old friends chatting like forever.

I never thought that this day would come, that he would confess his feelings for me.

Inside the coffee shop, where he first saw me, talked to me. Before everything started. Before I knew my bestfriend. Before I knew him.

But I'm torn between following my heart or my bestfriends.

I cried. I cried infront of him.

Holding his hand, I told him with all honesty how I felt that moment.

How my heart is full but at the same time it's breaking.

For the treachery I did to my own bestfriend.

I know I'm punishing myself for doing this. But I'm at fault, this just right for me to feel this so much hurt and guilt.

When you don't have the right to love the person you love. It crushes you into pieces. Leaving you broken and wounded. Can never be fixed.

That day I left him there. I don't know what will happen for us, but for now we can't be together, that's the only thing I know. But the next week, I just continued with my life, acted like I'm not hurting, covering my pale face and puffy eyes with make up.

I know my friends noticed how I was kind of aloof, how I don't go to the library recently and goes home to study.

Until my own bestfriend confronted me. While we were eating at the cafeteria before it closes.

"Hey, he talked to me you know."

"Why?" I asked, quite confused.

"He told me everything. I know he's hurt too, but he's fixing it for the both of you. He's fighting for you guys."

"I... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I really don't know how to tell you this. I never knew this would happen. I'm really sorry." I explained. I broke down infront of my bestfriend. Asking for forgiveness again and again. I don't care how ugly I am right now here on our table.

"Hey, hey. Shhh. It's okay. It was just a simple crush you know. I'm still kinda hurt, but I want you two to be happy. Besides there's a lot of fish in the sea." she said.

"Thanks. I- I don't know what to say. Finally, my heart finally let go of all these heavy feelings piling up."

"Now go! He's inside the library waiting for you." My bestfriend told me while pushing me towards the exit.

And I ran.

I ran towards my heart.

Finally.

It's feels good to be free.

As I reached my destination, I saw him by the baggage counter fixing his things.

"You're going?" I asked, shocked and so out of breath.

He faced me. So shocked.

"I- I thought you weren't coming, the library closed anyway, it's already 5pm."

"I came and here I am!" I said confidently with arms wide open.

And he hugged me.

So tight.

I felt like finally I was home.

"Let's go? I'll walk you home." He asked, offering his hand.

I accepted it, holding onto it so tight and never letting go.

We walked home as we always do. Cherishing the moment of talking nonsense and admiring the view. Like two kids running around.

Who would have thought that unexpected happenings would lead to wonderful outcomes?

*I feel so in love these days* -A