pride and prejudice and zombies:: dreadfull ever after

Part 16

CHAPTER 16

Elizabeth had always been glad to have Mary with her in battle. Her sister was bold, fearless, the epitome of rectitude and unwavering self-assurance.

Which was exactly why Elizabeth was not glad to see her now, when boldness and rectitude might well ruin everything.

Take the bruised, moaning ninja-butler sprawled in front of the house, for instance. Here was Mary's handiwork, and already passersby were beginning to stop and stare.

"Oh, my! Poor Arnold's tripped down the front steps again!" Mr. Bennet cried as he hopped from the barouche. "Come, Nezu. Help me get him inside."

"It is good to see you again, Miss Millstone," Elizabeth called to Mary. "I apologize for the confusion about the timing of our outing. Our trip to Ascot was today, you see, and it is tomorrow that we will be accompanying you and Colonel Plimmswood to Almack's."

Her steady stream of chatter worked. As she scrambled from the carriage and hurried toward the house, her sister never had the chance to say what she was obviously thinking: Have you all gone mad? When Elizabeth reached her, she hooked her by the arm and jerked her through the door.

There were two more battered ninjas lying in the foyer, and another hung over a nearby banister.

"Really," Elizabeth said, "did you have to thrash the whole household?"

"They wouldn't tell me where you were."

"Mary, I don't think any of them speak English."

"Ah. That would explain why the conversation was going so poorly."

"The drawing room!" Mr. Bennet barked. He let his half of "Arnold"—the top half—plop unceremoniously to the floor. "Now!"

When everyone was gathered in the drawing room a moment later, it wasn't Mary on whom Mr. Bennet fixed his glare. It was Kitty.

"All right, yes! I sent her a letter!" she blubbered. "I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself. I just had to tell someone. I was discreet, though, really! All I said was that our plans had changed and we were in London and awful and exciting things were happening."

Elizabeth turned to Mary and braced herself for an answer she didn't want to hear.

"Did Mother see the letter?"

"No."

Elizabeth and her father heaved identical sighs of relief. If Mrs. Bennet knew they were secretly in London, the "secretly" would only apply for roughly five more minutes.

"So far as Mama knows," Mary continued, "I have been summoned to Berkshire to root out an infestation of dreadfuls in Windsor Castle."

"And she let you go?" Kitty asked, incredulous.

" 'Let' is not quite the right word." Mary thought a moment and then shrugged. "She couldn't stop me."

Mr. Bennet nodded gravely and then walked to the divan upon which Kitty sat and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I am very fond of you, my child," he said, "but if you answer my next question incorrectly, I shall be forced to beat you unmercifully with bamboo rods. It will sadden me, without doubt, yet our revered Master Liu would assuredly counsel me to do far worse. Now, tell me: Did you also write a letter to your sister Lydia?"

"No."

Mr. Bennet tightened his grip. "Truly?"

"Well, did I write it? Yes. But I never got the chance to sneak out and mail it. It's still hidden in the dresser in my room."