It's chai guys.. so I have a few things to talk to y'all about. First off I know you all know what has happened to the person we all love, Jahseh Dwayne Onfroy. He has passed away.. it breaks my heart to know that this person we've all loved has moved on in life because of someone else's selfish actions.
I'm still trying to cope with everything as a lot of you all are, its so very hard to believe that someone so dedicated loving and lively had to get their life taken away. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to write the Jahseh imagines of this book or how I can finish it It general.
That's the second thing..Egypt will not be writing the book with me any longer. We've talked and came to a conclusion that I'd be the one to finish it or continue it. The crazy thing is this happened the exact day of when X got shot. I loved him so much as a lot of you did But I loved him like I knew him it's crazy.
It's like I just knew that one day I'd meet him and possibly become his friend or this person he would maybe love i dunno.. But I just know his music brought me and you closer to him as a person. I can't even read other imagines about him wondering what it would be like if he was still here...I feel this shit in my soul.
Yes I was a huge fan like the rest I'd never think it would tear me up inside this much over I person I never knew. I loved him when he was alive I would always talk about him. Make him my screen saver. All that..but when he died that love spiraled Times 10. For all of us.
So I continue to attach myself to him this being I never knew, but knew at the same time. It's like once you look past his mistakes and shit, it's easier to love him as a person especially with all the good he did. Fuck I'm writing about him in pass tense already.
It's like the little things like that, that drive me crazy and cause me to continuously think about Jahseh. Yeah I might sound obsessed I'm not I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. He's in my head 24/7.
When you listen to his music and I mean really listen and understand you're able to understand him as a person or who he was, that's what we did as supporters and fans. When you understand someone it's easy to relate..and when you can relate it's easy to become attached because you feel like you connect with them on a deeper level. Like you know them because they understand you.
I'm honestly fucked up rn with this whole situation, but I know jah would want us to be happy...but it's so hard to be when he was that happiness. Like I don't know how to explain it. I'm happy when I do other things or when I'm not thinking about Jahseh but some how when I do I'm sad again...I get this lump in my throat every time I see an article about his death the same shit about him "20 year old rapper singer songwriter Xxxtentacion was shot and killed Monday around 4 pm on his way to a motorcycle dealership in Broward County Florida."
It's like seeing that stuff gives me no hope or closure it's just a reminder how cold hearted some people can really be, and then the anger rises in my chest the lump in my throat dares the tears to shed. I hate it. Then I have to tell myself it's okay he's okay he's in a better place. But what if he's not? What if he's mourning himself? Confused as to what happened because it happened so fast?
So many questions run through my head, like who's gonna help raise his son that's on the way? Or what if it was me he met and wanted to talk to? Stupid selfish shit half the time. Cause he wants us to be happy, but it's so hard,it's so hard when that was one of the biggest things I aNd you cared about. So now what? We ask ourselves.
How do we move on.
Well we can't but we can move forward with his legacy in hand, we have to continue to spread his message in whatever we do, by just living, continuing to help him live. Through music. His music. And us.
Now we just have to figure out how to do so. Because that's the only way we'll heal.
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Rest In Paradise to our King, our Angel, our Jahseh.
We love you. Members Only forever. Live on at MakeoutHill.
