Words Unspoken

Giving Up - Short Story

He couldn't do it, this life was too much. It was too much, and it wasn't enough. Of course, they were contradictory statements, but truth has always been two faced; and so was life.

And maybe that was why he dragged the knife across the milky skin of his arms. Why the red was so much more satisfying than the cream. And maybe the pain was better than feeling numb, but he didn't know. He couldn't know, because happiness, it wouldn't work; not anymore.

The sting, it hurt, it hurt so much, but it was the only thing that could convince him that he was still alive. This was nothing like what he knew, this feeling was weak. It was weak compared to the broken bones, the hurtful words, the careless actions. This pain, it couldn't even compare to the loss, the loss of feeling. So he continued to slice his skin with a steel blade, the repercussions never reaching his thoughts. Because in these moments it didn't matter, none of it mattered. This wasn't real, it never was, it never had been. This figurative pain he felt was nothing more than an illusion to cope with his hatred. The green envy he felt towards those who were self-assured and confident. Who didn't need others to know they were worth being alive.

So he didn't stop, letting the fake pain take over, letting it get worse and worse until the white hot pain. Even that pain grew dull. Nothing could hurt him enough to make him forget it wasn't enough to make the nightmare end in pain. It had to end like this, in the depths of hurt where none would follow. Where he knew he was safely alone, without another soul to his company.

And yet he longed for such company, he long to rid himself of these binding chains that kept him inside this maze that lead to no where. Forever lost in his mind without security, love, and all he would be stuck here in this place was with sadness and sorrow. In a place without escape a bottomless ocean with no land where it was better to drown than to swim. Because maybe it was better to give up on a dream before it manifested into longing. Before it became a fixation spurred forward my determination.

So that's what he did. He spread his arms and fell. Giving up on this thing called reality.