Maybe I'm Not Worthless (Park Jimin x BTS Fanfiction)

Chapter 6

️Jimin pov

The hallways were empty apart from the occasional freshman trying to be 'cool' by skipping class. As I was walking one of them tripped me and caused me to drop my books.
"Ha loser"
I rolled my eyes, grabbing my books and running to class. Although I never skipped to 12th I was put in 12th grade pre-calc. It wasn't too hard, the difficulty wasn't the problem. The problem was that BTS were in that class. For some reason I couldn't get put into one of the classes with the less mean groups like seventeen or blackpink. Yes, they were very annoying, but not too mean.

Maybe I could skip class? I mean nobody would notice right? Of course the teachers would, they may not notice me when I'm being slammed into lockers but the minute somebody skips they'll start handing out detention slips like it's nothing.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I made my way to the back where my assigned seat was, ignoring the glares I could feel piercing into my back. I looked around, noticing that they were actually ignoring me. Maybe I was wrong and they didn't glare at me at all. That thought was short lived when Namjoon broke into laughter, turning to face me. I looked at the teacher, hoping he'd see. Of course he was 'asleep'. I think teachers were just scared of Namjoon so they pretended they didn't see it. That, or they just didn't want to fill out paperwork.

"Ah look who it is boys. It's the freak. The nothing. The little nerd that can do math. Look at him trying to get the teacher's attention. Nobody cares about you, when will you realize that?" Namjoon spit out hatred so easily, I never understood how he could sleep at night talking to people like that, but then I realized it was just to me.
"Do you truly believe anybody likes you? You're ugly, fat, and worthless," J-hope followed Namjoon's words like a robot and spit hatred just as easily.
"Why don't you just kill yourself? Everybody would be happy anyways," Jungkook spoke up, smirking after he said it.
Usually it didn't hurt me so much, but to hear Jungkook say it....I was upset, angry, and at the same time... heartbroken. Jungkook was the first one to help me, but always the first one to break me. He was right, he was always right. Nobody cares about me, or what happens to me.

I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes, trying to brush them away.  When they were about to fall I felt Namjoon's hands push me off my seat. I hit the ground still trying to ignore the tears.  I couldn't cry. I didn't deserve to cry. I didn't deserve to feel at all. I managed to pick myself up, ignoring the whispers around me. I grabbed my bag and left, hearing a few laughs behind me as I ran to the bathroom.

I locked the stall behind me and sat down on top of the toilet seat. Finally allowing my tears to fall as I dropped my bag on the dirty ground. I held my head in my hands trying to take deep breaths in order to calm myself down. My thoughts always seemed to get the best of me. Would anyone ever like me? Did I deserve to live? Would everyone be happier? I tried my best to stop crying but the darkness inside me was overwhelming. Every time I blocked it out it seemed to sneak back in. I would do anything to make the pain end. I just wanted to feel what it was like to be at peace.

I heard footsteps come into the bathroom; they stopped right in front of my stall. I attempted to hold my breath and not make any noise, maybe they would assume I went to the bathroom across the hall and I could make a run for it. They were probably here to finish what they started this morning. I bet that teacher was still sleeping, ignoring everything that was going on. I was beginning to go into a panic attack when I was distracted by a quiet knock. My breath stopped for a second.

"Jimin? It's Jin. It's just me Jin. Can we talk please?" I heard him say quietly through the door. As if I was some child just having a tantrum. I didn't want to hear what he had to say so I ignored him, wiping away my tears the best I could. I watched as his feet turned around; I assumed he was going to leave and bring back the members. That is until the door swung open, causing me to jump back. Did he really kick it? He stared at me blankly,  I realized my face was probably all red from crying, and the occasional tear would run down my face. I attempted to look down but I felt Jin walk up and grab me by my, luckily, sleeve covered arm. "Jimin, are you okay?" He asked.

He spoke in that sweet honey-like tone that I missed, so much. He was always so nice to everyone, I treated him like my second mom. When she wasn't there I assumed Jin would always be there to help me. But that changed, people change.

I nodded to him, just wanting this awkward exchange to stop. "I don't believe that," he muttered. At first I was sad but by now I was just upset. I raised an eyebrow at him. Who did he think he was? Am I okay, of course I'm not okay. I looked into his sad, soft eyes and glared. "I-If I was okay I w-wouldn't be sitting in here would I? N-no I'm not okay and I n-never will be alright?" I choked back a sob as threw his hand off me and stormed out of the bathroom.

If he truly cared he wouldn't of let anybody hurt me in the first place. I'm sick of people being insincere. I'm sick of everyone, especially myself.

I ditched my next three classes, this time hanging out at the bathroom behind the principal's office, nobody ever went in there. The lunch bell rang and I decided I'd go to the lunch area, grab my food, and sneak back into the bathroom without anyone noticing. I paid for it, and slowly but steadily headed for the hallway, trying to not draw attention. I didn't know if this was a good idea, I mean I was hungry, but should I really eat? I needed to lose weight so that they at least wouldn't call me fat anymore, Ugly and worthless yes, but they would have to find something else to call me when I was skinny.

I grabbed my apple, figuring I would throw the rest away but somebody grabbed it out of my hand and tripped me, causing me to fall into whatever that school called food. I sat up, trying to wipe it off me. Glancing up I saw both Got7 and BTS hovering over me. Jb, the rival I never asked for, smirked taking a bite out of my apple. "I saved you a couple pounds pig, you didn't need to eat all that anyways. You're already fat and ugly," he sighed shaking his head in disappointment.

As I sat on the floor ashamed, I glanced over to the hallway. Jin was standing there, not smiling but still just watching. How could he? He cared so much but he couldn't even stand up for me? I knew him caring about me was too good to be true. I looked back down at the floor in defeat. That is until I felt the disgusting, cold sensation of milk being dumped on my head, followed by an uproar of laughter across the lunchroom. I thought I'd get up and run but another carton of milk dumped on me, followed by another, as if they were each prepared and ready to take turns. As they continued I just wiped the milk out of my eyes pathetically and spit out the milk that went into my mouth. I didn't try to stop it or get up, I just sat there, motionless, staring at the ground as I let everyone have their fun with me. I couldn't do anything anyways. There was no point anymore. I was completely and utterly.... broken. So much to the point I felt nothing. No tears escaped my eyes, no thoughts were in my head. Maybe this was what it truly felt like to be dead, or maybe this was worse.

I knew there were more members left, I counted each time a new carton dumped on me. But it stopped so I assumed they were done. I picked myself off the ground, not making eye contact with anyone, grabbing my back pack and walking out to the hallway. Jin attempted to hold me back but I shoved his shoulder aside and headed out the school doors.

I walked home, and about half way there I broke down. The tears came up again and I cried my heart out, barely able to catch my breath. All because of a stupid apple..... maybe it was all because I was even born.  I must've been a mistake, because nobody else gets treated like I do. I'm treated worse than a pest. Even rats didn't go through this much pain.

I walked back to my house, unlocking the door.
I went in and threw my backpack on the ground. I took off my uniform and put it in the washer, I hoped that would work and get the stains out. I got in the shower and washed the milk out of my hair before changing into some PJs. My head was still pounding so I took some pain killers that I stole from my mom's medicine cabinet and laid down. I hoped sleep would comfort me. Maybe a blade would be better. As soon as I finished that thought though I was too tired to get up and began to drift off to sleep, praying something would kill me before I woke up so that I wouldn't have to face another day.

A/n whenever I write on this story I imagine jimin as the little cutie in the school uniform from run bts, I think it was episode 10? Idk that's just how I think of him lol that's also the reason I made them wear uniforms in this story. Also just a FYI I've never dealt with depression so I don't know if this is how it's really like, I don't mean to offend anyone this is just how I imagine it is based off what I've read about depression.