dream ᵇᵗˢ ✅

Rescue

에피파니

I wanted to live my life for you
But as I keep doing that
I just cannot bear the storm
inside my heart

"We are not going to stay here anymore."

The firmness in his melodic voice made my stomach flutter. His expression was serious and determined; however a hint of a smile was creeping up on the corners of his lips.

His long fingers were interlaced with mine as he pulled me away from the shore; his pull was soft, resembling the touch of a feather, yet powerful as if our hands were two magnetic poles, one longing for the other.

"But I like it here." I exclaimed, although I didn't protest much and followed him to wherever he had set his mind towards. He didn't seem to care what I thought anyway.

My heart was pounding against my ribcage. However, I couldn't decipher the reason.
Was I excited?
Or was I afraid?
Was I feeling eager to discover what he had in mind for me?
Or was I anxious about the risks that I was bound to take?

Ambiguous thoughts kept occupying my mind as he led me through the forest.

A white veil started blurring my surroundings like a thin blanket, looming over our trail. The mist creeped over progressively, eradicating any possible paths like a painter's eraser moving carelessly against the canvas. The obscure landscape could only remind me of lugubrious drawings and bleeding skies, morose stories and downcast eyes.

The sun had disappeared behind grey clouds, their dreary colour eradicating any hint of its brightness.
A sense of anhedonia spread through me and I instantly sought solace in his eyes.

I trusted him.
His almond shaped eyes never left mine as we strode deeper into the woods. Occasionally, they would pierce through mine genuinely, despite the shadows that flashed through them mirroring my misgivings as well as my surroundings.

I trusted him.
A vivid rosy colour had blossomed on his cheekbones due to the brisk pace we moved with. I wanted to ask him, I wanted to know. I couldn't bring my mouth to form any words.

I trusted him...
The corners of his soft lips were drawn upward, forming a smile that sent chills down my spine. He continued pulling me, luring me into the unknown, as I followed unable to oppose his unspoken will.

Did I trust him?
His delicate face now sparkled an internecine strife within me, the question echoing raucous in the wells of my mind.
The warm chocolate colour in his eyes seemed like he only wished for me to feel at ease.
The cold penetrating glances these eyes casted at me caused my heart to palpitate with dread. 

Gathering all the strength I could muster, I halted abruptly. My sudden stop took him off guard and made him loosen the grip on my wrist.
We stood there for a few moments.
His expression was incredulous, bewildered at my unexpected suspicious behaviour.

"Why would you stop?" He spoke and I felt goosebumps.
His voice was different; an odd combination of other voices, both familiar and remote.

"What?"

"I said why would you stop? You can't stop."
Despite my deafening heart-pace, I heard it.
Inbetween the odd merge of voices he spoke with, I was able to distinguish it.
A voice so soft, a tad high pitched and strikingly familiar.

It was my voice.

The moment the realisation hit in, his face alternated.
In the blink of the eye, his sweet characteristics melted away.
A different, not so strong hand griped on my wrist.
A different set of lips smiled at me.
A different pair of eyes pierced through mine.

My blood ran cold as I realised that I was looking at  m y s e l f.

I wanted to scream.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to get away from... me.
Because I didn't know that the pain
was so excruciating.
The pain of facing yourself.

I fell on my knees.

'I do this to myself'

Tears started to choke me.

'There's no one here but me'

I looked around me, panting.
The fog still blurred the quiet forest, loud silence whispering maddening secrets to me.

There was no one else here. I was alone with him, with myself.
Waves of feelings like loneliness, isolation and abandonment transformed into salty tears which I couldn't stop tasting.

I was alone with myself. He was the only one here for me.
The only one who still grasped onto me like he would never let go.
The only one who still managed to tempt me to continue this journey deeper into the blurry darkness.

My mirror offered me a sad smile as if he wished for me to have courage, to stay strong.
To my surprise, the ache on my chest diminished, but my heavy heart still pounded with dread. I needed to get out of here.

With a deep breath that seemed to clear out a bit the tangle of thoughts in my mind, I placed my free hand on top of my mirror's hand and detached it for my wrist. A gesture so easy and swift, yet impossible just a few moments ago.

A pair of buffled eyes peered at me as I mustered the courage to speak,
"I know that I'm the one who made me end up here, to this dead end. But I also know that I'm the one who can pull me out of it."

"How do you know that this is a dead end?"

"I know it because you do."

A blink of the eye and I was suddenly back at the shore lying on the hot ground, the sun blinding me and a pair of arms wrapped around me.

The person pulled slightly away and looked at me with glassy chocolate eyes. His familiar scent was intoxicating, leaving me in a daze as I inhaled it.

It was unmistakably him.

"You brought me back?"I inquired shuddering as I thought about the scene with my mirror.

He shook his head and looked at me, a proud expression adorning his face as he caressed my cheek.
"You did it. You brought yourself back."

The real myself
inside the smiling mask
I reveal it entirely